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 Review #4319341 |
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| (4.5)| Hi Grateful Jess It's just me, Ken, and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Invalid Item" on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers" . First Impression/Thoughts: Wow! A Villanelle. You don't pick easy forms, do you?  . Loved it. Creativity/Impact:I think you used this form to create an insightful commentary on our world. The coalition of people gathered to support science as truth, not as an alternative fact, was amazing and reinforces my hope for the future. Narrowing in on this aspect was a very creative way to show support for Earth Day.  Message/Theme: Uhhh, Earth Day? Seriously, you said it clearly: "Only truth should be the guiding light." Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet. Title: Straight forward. I thought it could have been a little more creative, to catch the attention of readers beyond the nerds . The "teaser" line (or description  ) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Again, not very creative but informative. Grammar/Wording: You've chosen your words well to inform, inspire, and reinforce your message. I think in a few places, you stretched to find a rhyme at the cost of clarity of message such as in "recording the learned and ignorant, hand in hand in white. I understand the recording but because it ended the thought, I think there's an implied emphasis on "white." It stopped me short wondering "what's this about white?" . Form/Flow: The Villanelle is a classic form and I'm a huge fan. Written as a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme: aba aba aba aba aba abaa, the first and the third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem, and appear together in the last couplet. There is no required meter. I'm no expert but it seems you've used this form with great care and preciseness. Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:  An enjoyable and insightful read even if the subject was our own indifference to what what's real and what we're told is real. Your recognition of the damage done by continuing to accept false prophets comes through clearly and I found myself in total agreement. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017, Ken
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You responded to this review 04/24/2017 @ 4:01pm EDT