Greetings MontyB

I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the "The Chapter One Competition." .
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH 20 !


In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
Your Words: Bold Black{}
My Impressions as I read: Bold Green
Editing Suggestions:Bold Red


OVERALL IMPRESSION
Really great first chapter. Katrina and her mother at odd, with the mystery of her grandmother thrown into the mix really drew me in. Katrina had all of the teenage angst I would expect when being upset at the world.

What I Liked Best:
I liked the entire chapter. The relationship between mother and daughter worked really well. The mystery of Katrina's father tossed in at the end, the warning about the woods. Nicely done!

WRITING SKILLS AND CRAFT

Opening Sentence:
Showed action with the main character

Opening Paragraph:
We know that the main character is with their mother.

Plot:
Katrina is on her way to see her sick grandmother that she never knew. She hates her mother for making her miss the big soccer match, and makes sure her mother knows how she feels. Upon arriving, she is told she looks like her father, a father she never knew. She is also told to stay away from the woods. Good mystery set up.

Character Development:
I liked Katrina and her mother. Their dynamic played well off of one another. They were clear in my mind, and I enjoyed their banter and the moments of humor added in.

Dialog:
Dialogue worked really well. Good mix of conversation, emotions and description.

Spelling & Punctuation:
No issues

Grammar:
No issues

Continuity:
The chapter moved along well. I followed along easily and was pulled into the story, eager to see what would happen at Grammy's house.

Form:
chapter was tight.

Clarity:
I know what's going on, and am left hanging at the end to find out with Katrina the information about her father she doesn't know.

Hook:
Katrina being pissed at her mother opens the story and has me reading on to find out why. Visiting a grandmother she never knew is another hook, as well as the information about the woods and the father she never knew.

CREATIVITY and PRESENTATION

Structure:
Excellent first chapter. You had me from the beginning and kept my attention throughout.

Figurative Language & Vocabulary:
No issues here.

Rhythm & Meter:
Story moved along at a quick pace, drawing me in further as it progressed.

CLOSING STATEMENT
I really loved your first chapter and I would continue reading this book. Katrina and her mother are real, like someone I would know and were easy to identify with.

Purple Holiday Princess

STATIC

Cross Timbers Novel Workshop On Hiatis  (E) Looking for solid NOVEL feedback from other novelists? The NW is BACK & better than ever! #2088228 by A Christmas Carol St.Ann

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .