Greetings anigh

I am reviewing "The Lorelei Chronicles (First Chapter)"  today as part of the "Chapter One Competition. " .
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH ## !


OVERALL IMPRESSION
WHAT WORKED
WHAT DIDN'T WORK
OPENING PARAGRAPH
PLOT

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I found this funny, although, I preferred the second part to the first part as the beginning didn't get going until the bone lady appeared. I enjoyed the storyline and laughed all the way through. The pace was very slow, at first, but picked up in the middle and finished with a strong link to the next chapter.

WHAT WORKED

I liked the dialogue between the human and wizard. That was funny and entertaining. Also, I enjoyed the fact the writer spoke directly to the reader. It gave me a feeling of being part of the story and a familiarity towards the main character.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK

The first two or three paragraphs before the bone lady.I liked the first sentence and a brief description of the background would have been enough, in my opinion. The rest didn't add anything to the story and I found them a bit tedious to read.

OPENING PARAGRAPH

I like the first sentence. The 'My name is Michael Alastair Reeve and I am -- for lack of a better term -- a wizard,' did what it was supposed to do; it made me sit up and take notice.

PLOT

The plot was entertaining. A wizard that kills demon books are all the rage these days and this one was, not only funny, it was entertaining as well.

Thank you for sharing and keep writing.

NAME DMT1967 AKA JACKIE

"Cross Timbers Novel Workshop On Hiatis"