Greetings siscox

I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the "Chapter One Competition. " .
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH ## !


OVERALL IMPRESSION
WHAT WORKED
WHAT DIDN'T WORK
OPENING PARAGRAPH
PLOT

OVERALL IMPRESSION

This is a good first chapter. It has most things a good first chapter needs like a good hook in the beginning to capture the reader'
s imagination and curiosity. A good end hook to make the reader want to find out what happened next and a good body which keeps the reader's attention.

WHAT WORKED

I think the dialogue worked well. It showed a good interaction between the characters.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK

In my opinion, some of the main body was told more than shown. For example, after the explosion, it would be nice to feel what the character Susan felt.

OPEN PARAGRAPH

The open paragraph is very good. It gripped me in a vice and made me want to read more.

PLOT

The plot is a disaster movie. A reporter is caught in an explosion. It is a terrorist attack and she wants revenge.

This is a great start to, what I believe could be a great novel. Thank you for sharing.

NAME DMT1967 AKA JACKIE

"Cross Timbers Novel Workshop On Hiatis"