\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4236335
Review #4236335
Viewing a review of:
 Coffee with Lisa Open in new Window. [13+]
During her morning coffee, Lisa discovers she's not alone. And might never be again.
by Than Pence Author Icon
Review of Coffee with Lisa  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Creeper Of The Realm Author Icon
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.


PLOT -
Lisa is getting ready for her day, gazing out to the backyard, content with the quiet and stillness of the morning. She grabs a cup of coffee and waits for the bathtub to fill. Upon getting a refill from the kitchen, she sees a man in the window staring at her.

SETTING -
Great descriptions of the man in the window. It was easy to picture him there, staring at her, scaring her. I did wonder if there were certain smells that related to him when he entered the house and attacked her since you pointed out he was scruffy looking.

CHARACTERS -
Lisa, alone in the house, content until she sees the stranger watching and he turns her world upside down.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT -
I know that feeling of always wondering if someone is in the house after an incident like this. Her instincts were good as things progressed, calling the police, calling her husband, disappointed that the sirens came but not to her door. That fear just hangs on for months to come, gripping you tight. Why didn't she scream? Being afraid does effect everyone differently, but I wanted to know if the fear made it impossible to get a sound out, or if she was so stunned and caught in disbelief that she couldn't make a sound. Just something to think about if you decide to expand on this short story. You do have room to add a few more elements to make it really terrifying. Write on!

This would be my name.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/13/2016 @ 7:55am EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4236335