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Review #4230838
Viewing a review of:
 Tales from the Players 1  [E]
The introduction to the "Tales from" series that I recently started.
by Tales
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*NoteV* Story ~
Two friends sit on a park bench mulling over life and discussing how random things that happen in the world are.

*NoteG* Characters ~
Tim likes to ponder everything going on around him, tries to dig deep and figure out if there are patterns or not. T has a sense of humor, but loves to try and prove Tim wrong, if possible, and goes out the way to do so.

*NoteV* Issues ~
"Everything. It’s all random." Still fixated on whatever he was looking at "You see them over there?" He pointed to the old couple. <--this can go one of two ways. ," he said still fixated...or ...whatever he was looking and said, "You see

[line break]"Yeah, I see em', what does that have to do with random?"

"Just look at them, they're so happy together and they've probably been together for a long
Time, I bet they think they're <--no cap on Time and it the sentence is broken up.

"Ok, you're probably right about that one but, I don't see <--comma goes before 'but'

he turned back to look at the old couple <--capitalize He

*NoteG* Impressions ~
It's an interesting concept. Writing conversations can be a little bit difficult. Think about adding more dialog tags as well as T's thoughts on things. Does T react to what Tim is saying? Show that. What's the weather like? Is the grass dying or a vibrant green. use description to really pull your reader in so that they can picture the scene as if it were playing out like a movie in their mind. You have five senses you can incorporate into your writing. The more you add, the more well rounded the story becomes.
{c}
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Way behind!

House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/03/2016 @ 9:38am EDT
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