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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4221604
Review #4221604
Viewing a review of:
 the red light Open in new Window. [ASR]
a story about me and my best friend who found a mysterious red light behind a door
by MemesMaster2016 Author Icon
Review of the red light  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi there! Nixie, here.

Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.!*BalloonR*


Congratulations on getting your work out there for members to review! That takes some bravery, especially when we're new and possibly unsure of ourselves. Maybe lacking confidence.

Still, it's our responsibility to offer our best attempts, and this work felt as if words were slapped on to the page, with no thought for punctuation or correct spelling.

Also, you have quite a story to tell, and properly presented, I can see this work becoming something fascinating.

Sometimes writing non-fiction is difficult. We were there, we saw it happen, and we write it down. Except that doesn't create a gripping read. Often, taking poetic licence to enhance the event increases the drama. I would be terrified to open a door with a red light glowing from the other side. I wanted to feel this when I read, but found only a factual accounting.

Should you decide to embellish, you would have to make a notation that this true event was slightly altered to create more of a story.

Looking inside ourselves is another way to connect with the reader. What were you feeling? Can you add some interest by explaining how you found the red key? Was it also glowing? Can you speculate on why a red, glowing teddy bear was the object in question? Here's a chance to embellish the story. You were disappointed when you discovered the source. You can take this all the way to the fictitious level. Most of us draw inspiration from individual experiences, anyway.

You may never feel like revisiting this work again. Maybe you accomplished all you wanted. So keep writing and move on to something new, if this is the case. *Wink*

Have fun discovering yourself, and the expansiveness of our website.


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