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Review #4195435
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Review by Shaye Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hi Walker Author Icon,

I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. in affiliation with "Simply Positive Review Forum " Open in new Window..

First Impression: Zombies! One thing I noticed is the plot of this. The second stanza states, "Gnawed at, then left to be", but surely if you were gnawed on, you'd no longer be running from the zombies like you would in the next stanzas, but rather you'd be a zombie. *Shock* I've not let that affect my rating of the poem, just thought I'd point it out! *Bigsmile*

Rhyme: You've done the last two lines rhyming thing again, and you haven't been so successful this time. Whilst "us" and "guts" sound similar, they're not true rhyming words. They have similar enough sounds, though, that this shouldn't matter too much. Just pointing it out.

Word Choice: You've used repeating lines to repeatedly remind the reader that there are zombies on the sidewalk. This works for a poem aimed at children, who appreciate repeated lines. I believe this is the sort of poem that would be in a kid's halloween book, so your word choice in suitable and simplistic enough for that. *Thumbsup*

Spelling/Grammar: No errors spotted.

Closing Thoughts: Thanks for the "Zombiefied" read! I might have to seek out more poems about zombies now. *Bigsmile*

Lorraine

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Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.


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