Greetings wyked my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I came across this short story "It Can't Be The Truth" in the fiction list. I love suspense and thrillers are a must.




I couldn't imagine finding out a family member was a vampire. A family secret kept from certain people. Eerie without a doubt. Kind of cool though to know that she is keeping her loved ones safe. The life of a vampire is glorified in so many movies and books that is hard to imagine them as evil. I love the real stories of vampires and how they have evolved into our society.



You told this story in three hundred words. Nicely done. I am not sure if there was a certain amount of words you had to stick by or not, but it is quite condensed.

This story starts off with a great conflict and heightens when the mother comes to the door in tears. She tells her secrets of the sister during a time of great despair.

I am not sure if I feel the thriller or suspense here. With a little more detail this story has great potential. A few issues and these are things I only point out as suggestions. Try using descriptive writing a little more to pull your reader into the horror that you want to portray. Telling your story is different that showing it. You want your characters to take action. Body language, visual concepts, and molding your characters.
You did a good job with telling this story in first person and held it all the way through. This is a difficult task in itself. I would suggest giving your characters names to bring them to life.

Spacing is a little crowded. You want to double space in between dialogue as to not confuse the reader. I noticed you used the comma in a few places where there is no need. When wanting to use a great pause, maybe try using a caesura. This is a strong line within a sentence when wanting to convey a strong pause.



Writing is fun fun fun and never think it can't be done! You have a great imagination and with some revising this story can come to life. I hope my suggestion help you in some way and I would love to read this story again if you choose to do so.

Welcome to WDC's fifteenth anniversary celebration!! I hope you enjoy the activities.

~LL~