Hi ren (baby no. 2 due in June) ,

I just finished reading your story which I found in your portfolio, "Invalid Item"  and I would like to offer you the following review. Please note that this review is a culmination of my opinion and what knowledge I have. It is meant in the spirit of assistance and appreciation only. Please feel free to use what you deem useful and ignore the rest.

STORY STRENGTHS
Your prose in this piece is very poetic and picturesque. Although it is a dark piece, I enjoyed the imagery and language. My favorite line is "She heard it all wrapped around good intentions – dirty machinations that seem so innocuous at first, that she was oblivious to at her best." You get extra points for machinations and innocuous. Good words.


GRAMMATICAL/SPELLING/SUGGESTIONS
The only suggestion I have is to get rid of the first two words of this story and start she's to She. I feel it will give the opening paragraph more strength.

I did not see any spelling errors.


OVERALL IMPRESSION
Although this was definitely not a happy piece, it was beautifully written.


Thank you for sharing your work!
Write On!!