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Review #4078564
Viewing a review of:
 The Smiling Rope Open in new Window. [E]
"well-spun twine, with deeds to cope,/Hung way up high" - a rhyming poem
by Tim Chiu Author Icon
Review of The Smiling Rope  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" Open in new Window.

Hello there, Tim Chiu
This is a Simply Positive Review. *Buttong*

*Bootr* I felt as if I were in a theater watching a hanging at high noon, in some old-time Western. Justice was swift in those times and the poem reflects this attitude quite well.

Observations:
*Bullet* I see three quatrains, the first two rhyme at the end of each line, but the last one changes to and AB, AB, rhyme. It felt a little forced, compared to the previous verses. I don't know whether it was due to the change-up in rhyme, or if the all-rhyme stanzas placed a rhythm that was almost expected to be maintained until the end.

*Seahorseg* The thing that made it seem a little off in the last stanza was the second line and the last line, which is the rhyming line.

"They punish with one fatal call, & A hand at justice, for one and all."

The rhyme line feels awkward when read out loud.
It makes the reader pause and want to change the wording somehow. *Doctor*

EXAMPLE:

TRY: Handing justice to them all

*Suitdiamond* This line has the same idea, but with a little more impact. My opinion of course, and just a quick example of a word change here and there giving it a more active voice for the ending.

Otherwise, well done! *Checkerboard*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch





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