Thank you for entering round 104 of the Weekly Quickie contest with my elemental prompt. I appreciated every entry and was happy to have such a successful round with various different takes on the prompt. I hope to have the winners announced in the near future. Also connecting this to an entry for the Two Sides to Every Story contest, cause why not.


First Impression:
I like aspects of the story. The main character, the element and some parts of the characters interactions once it gets to the part more geared towards the specific contest entered. However, I have a hard time getting to that part because of the not quite nice other character involved. I like magic and am accustomed to wind, so that is an interesting element. I had a harder time liking the guy or wanting them to get together though, which isn't quite what one wants when reading romance or erotica. It's a good start though and maybe with some work has potential to be even better, whether made into erotica or just put together as a fantasy story.


Prompt:
This works for the elemental prompt since she has some type of ability in connection with wind. The prompt was open on the interpretation of the elements and weather counts along with "air" which is what a wind related magic would have some connection to if going by that set. Good choice on prompt usage.


Characters/Story:
I like her. The magic and the way she reacts to the world around her, those are interesting to read. I wouldn't have minded seeing more of the magic even and wonder what she could do to the air in general with some work and being allowed to use her abilities more freely.

However, not a fan of him. He's sort of mean sounding based on the first impression we get of him and unfortunately (probably because of the limited space due to word count in part) we don't get much transition or shown why she's okay with things moving from oh no to okay, sleep with him. And I never liked the thing in paranormal romance and such where they fear the guy then jump right into allowing intimate physical contact. Just don't sit well with me. I don't necessarily need to like the characters involved (though it can help) but I do need to see a better connection to believe why they would go to the erotica part and that didn't happen for me in this one.


Other Notes:
Here are just some minor things I noticed. Sentence question and a couple of possible typos that caught my eye the few different times I read over the story.

Rating wise, this is a bit of a close call. It's fine till the very end where you start getting to what qualifies for the contest. This might be okay for now but if you expand that part, the sexual element, you'll want to change the rating to GC. Most Quickie stories will be rated GC because the genre often involves more than a reference to sexual content. On occasion a story is okay at 18+ but more often than not, if entering Weekly Quickie, the story will need to be GC.

She began to bag away. - Typo here. I think you meant "back away" instead of "bag away" in the sentence.

She watched as he undid his braes, and his manhood sprang to life of its confinement. - This sentence is a little confusing because it's below a paragraph but doesn't have the space that would set it off as it's own but there had to be an enter/return hit in order to place it where it is, instead of having it right behind the paragraph it's sort of connected to, if that makes any sense. Either get it up to being part of the paragraph above it or add an extra space so that it's alone. Though I'd almost say it's okay on its own but maybe combine it instead with the gasp or delete "she gasped" as on its own it doesn't do much.

Then he lift her legs, she felt his tip and slight tear. - Just a small typo here. Instead of "lift" it should be "lifted" to keep with the proper tense of the story.

The end feels a bit rushed, maybe from running out of word count available. There is more focus on the build up and the character in this story than the actions taken involving the genre of erotica. I understand as I sometimes do way more set up too but it's also something to consider trying to rebalance (have a little less build up and a bit more erotic elements).



Overall, a creative use of prompt and a good entry. While it doesn't quite fit my taste because of the one character, there are others who I'm sure will like it. The questionable love interest does seem to sell for some, so others like it. And it's a quickie attempt so things might have been different even for me if more words were allowed to show a change from angry to intimate. Nice job and I hope to see more from you in the future. Keep writing.


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Good Luck!




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .