Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


Initial hook: Hey! I'm here with a review as part of "The Kiwi Review Challenge! - closed"  My first thought is that you could maybe add something in the brief description which gives the reader an idea of what the piece may be about. Also, the ml link doesn't work here so I'd suggest taking that out. If you wanted, you could put this in the main body of the story, perhaps at the end so the reader has a reference point to the contest.

Storyline: This is a really interesting piece. I remember the prompt well because I wrote a story for it too! The story is told from the point of view of a candle who is lit and placed on a cake before being blown out.

Characters: I think you really captured the personality of the candle (or what a candle would be like if it were alive!) The reader gets all of his thoughts (as this piece is told as an internal monologue) as well as the emotions experienced and to me, they felt realistic. I kept picturing Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast!

Setting: This takes place on the top of a cake amongst a dark world. This was really well done too. The dark world occured when the lights when out ready for the candles to be blown out but perhaps it would feel rather daunting to a candle who feels it is his job to keep his light shining bright.

Atmosphere/tone: I have to say I found this quite realistic throughout and for that reason it worked well.

Dialogue: Although there was a little bit of dialogue here, most of this was told through internal monologue. This makes a lot of sense as a candle can't really talk... can it?!

What I liked: This was an interesting piece told from a very original point of view. That's what I liked best about it, the point of view.


A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear


Looking round me on my new surface

I think you could get rid of the word 'me' here. We know the person is looking around so it seems like an extra word.

Looking round on my new surface

back and forth, its smoke, now white and even, forming circles and squares and wavy designs up to the ceiling.

I think this would work better as two sentences. You could try:

back and forth. The smoke, now white and even, forms circles and squares and wavy designs up to the ceiling.

a couple of others had lost slightly more of theirs and the rest were at the same level as I.

You've written this in the present tense but this sentence is written in the past. I would write:

a couple of others have lost slightly more of theirs and the rest are at the same level as I.



A few parting comments...

I would make a suggestion about the spacing of this piece. I think it would be helpful, and make it easier for the flow of the piece for the reader if you have spaces between each of the paragraphs. It tends to be a little easier to read.


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .