Hi there,
I found this item through the CLASH tournament, for which I am a judge. I hope my comments will help you prepare for the following rounds.

Race: Kruzen (live on outskirts of galaxy, nearly extinct, most are hired guns, bed reps)
Bed reps? Can I assume you mean bad reps?

I think your first two paragraphs, while they share a little of your character's personality and bitterness, aren't necessary. I think you'd grab the reader's attention more if you started with action, and allowed the reader to infer the other information. I'd start with 'I land my small hovercraft'.

Typical I grit my teeth and continue to walk away from what could turn into a bloody situation. I can already feel my right eye tick ticking from my rising anger.
I think the word 'Typical' could be a sentence on its own if you put a full stop after it. Tick ticking is awkward. The actual facial tic doesn't have a k in the word. So it's tic ticking, but still, I would try to find another word other than ticking. 'I can already feel my right eye twitching from my rising anger.'

I’ll your blue hide a pretty penny.
This sentence is missing something and doesn't make sense.

At least I did the other blue hided ladies the other night.
I realise this is dialogue and so might be more colloquial than regular writing, but still, this is an awkward sentence. Blue hided? I would suggest removing the word hided. You've also got the word other twice in this sentence, so one of them should be replaced with a different word.

but by no means was I not armed
Erg, a double negative. I would change this to 'but I was certainly still armed'.

As his life drains away, I turn and head into the Octopus.
Brutal! She certainly has temper issues!!

At least most of this crowd is too drunk to notice what I ma
Small typo there.

The guard look s as if he’s about to say something
Another small typo.

I doubt he knows what he means, but he bristles anyway.
I think that should be 'I doubt he knows what it means'.

He runs backwards into another wall and I wince as pain ricochets up my spine.
Love the use of the word ricochets here!

I really enjoyed the end of this. You used more descriptive language, and it seemed a little more polished.

Overall your character certainly seems well suited to the tournament. She is absolutely ruthless and not afraid to kill or to be hurt. She has rapidly healing and regeneration which is a highly useful trait. I'm not sure if her short temper will work for or against her. There seems to be a latent sense of sardonic humour lurking beneath the surface which I'd love to see come out more in future rounds.

Good work, and I look forward to seeing more of your work in future rounds.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .