Hello Mitchopolis ,

I just read your Short Story "Invalid Item" , which I found when searching for short stories to read and wanted to share my personal thoughts with you.

Disclaimer: Please remember that the following suggestions are based off of my own opinion and personal interpretation of your work. Feel free to take and/or toss out any of my suggestions.

Overall Impressions: I was actually looking for newbies to read but the title of this story caught my eye and drew me in, so I followed my curiosities. I'm glad that I did!! This piece flowed very poetically and is written in a style I enjoy immensely. I love reading pieces I can enjoy with more than just my reading senses. I like to "experience" my stories, and you provided just that for me.


Favorite Parts: I enjoyed how each paragraphs, flowed into each other from the womb, to birth, through life, and then into death. Most of this occurred flawlessly with the descriptive style making me experience a lifetime of one simply "expectation" or "need" being a common thread to pull me through the story.

I liked how each phase ended with this common thread, emphasizing its importance from different points in life.


Suggestions: My suggestion would deal with the 3rd paragraph. I can't tell you exactly what it is, but it didn't feel like it flowed as well as the other 3 phases. Its still very good it just felt like there was less emotional impact and the sensation description was lacking in this section compared to the others. Perhaps this is due to the length and complexity of the this phase that may make it so difficult to find the best wording to keep the rhythm of the emotional pull through the story steady without getting to wordy. Hmm. Hard one. (Did this have a word limit?)


Additional Comments: I really liked this story and I plan on coming back to check out your port. Very Well Written!


I enjoyed reading your work and hope my review was helpful and encouraging!!!




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .