Hellow GroovyStella ,
 
I selected your story  "Invalid Item"   to review through the Read a Newbie Forum of WdC.
It is my pleasure to welcome you to Writing.com where I believe you will find wonderful support for all of your work.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your story and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some edits or revisions, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
The wonder of how God works through people and circumstances is brought out beautifully in the story of Carly, her family and her friend Molly. When her sixteenth birthday ends, and the feelings of contentment and peace are washing over her, Carly’s world is tragically altered. If only everything could have stayed the same forever. But everything changes, and Carly’s story highlights not only how we deal with grief, but also how we come to view God when the most unthinkable things happen in life.
 
Interest and Pace
 
It was easy to get into Carly’s life and enjoy her family and friends. It was good to be for her as she is blessed on her sixteenth birthday with everything she could possibly want. The images of shopping, being with her friend Molly, doing make-up, trying on clothes and listening to music are comfortable and well developed in my mind as I put together in my soul the sweetness of Carly and her world. The transition to the tragic side of the day is well written and heart wrenching as the details of Carly’s loss are unveiled. I am engaged fully in the tragic events and I embrace your words as I have now become a part of Carly’s life.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
I appreciate the intimate details that you give me throughout the story. I not only see and hear what engulfs Carly, I am a part of her life, to feel her emotions of hate, guilt, love, sorrow, fear and self-accusation. When you wrote: Molly’s parents were beside themselves. Her mom didn’t want to let her casket go when the service was over. I could literally feel the pain. Every part of the story is wonderfully clear and well written.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
I noticed three errors. I made my suggested edits in the drop box on the link below. Other than those minor things I feel that your story is well crafted and excellent.
 
Recommended Edits ▼
 
Summary
 
Carly and Molly have a bond that began when they were in pre-school. Their love for each other is tender, pure and enviable. One mistake changes everything and those who are left to deal with the aftermath of the tragedy give great consideration to the troubling questions that can only be understood in the light of God’s sovereignty and omniscience.
 
I truly enjoyed your story. I appreciated the characters, scenes and images that are still living in me as I complete my review of your story. Thank you for sharing your gifts and talents.
 
 
~Kenword~
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:

FORUM

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    Come cast a vote for this year’s Mr./Miss Thankfulness!
 

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .