Hello ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I found this to be a sweet story about a very kind-hearted man who is eager to help people. He has to brave a visit to a king he considers harsh to ask for aid for the neediest people.

I don't know a lot about this period of history so learned something from your story -- I didn't know, for example, that Louis XIII exiled his own mother. I like how you used the prompt quote in your story and how Vincent chose to use these words the king had spoken to make him see how he could help the poverty-stricken people of the city.

My main suggestion for this piece would be to do less telling and more showing. I know you were working to a strict word count but I felt there were some areas that could be made more dynamic with a bit more detail. For example, when Vincent is before the king, I wanted to know exactly what he said and how he was feeling. What was the king doing? What was his expression? Did he look stern and closed at first? Was he visibly moved by Vincent's speech and plea for help? I think adding in such details could help to make the story feel more alive.

I also noticed one sentence that I feel could use some work: the sentence that begins "Those who were so destitute, so hungry..." feels like a fragment to me and I think you either need to complete the thought or find a way to connect it with the previous sentence. Right now it doesn't read as a complete sentence so feels a little jarring.

But overall I think this is a nice piece of writing and I feel you have used the prompt well. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .