Dear Writer,

Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.

What I liked about the story: I love a little story about the one that was "sent away." I loved your story and the plot line. I liked the professional way April handled the couple while secretly berating them. While I was shocked at her retaliation, it was mean and uncalled for, to her it was justified. I would have taken the case to the lobby and put it in storage with a note that it was left in the elevator, unknown origin. But that's just me.(no evidence to get rid of) I loved her side thoughts at the first meeting.

What is the goal of the main Character? To provide her arch nemesis a floral order that would please her and her guests. I think it was also to prove to herself that she had grown up and could act professional in spite of the old feelings of rejection. Positive reinforcement that her work was respected by someone with status.

What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? April needs the money, in spite of the fact she is faced with the constant reminder that her best friend stole her boyfriend; and they seem to be very happy together. The referrals alone could push her over the hump to the success she needs.

What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? First there is the fact that her ex-best friend wants April to provide the florals for her wedding. The groom was April's boyfriend at one time. The biggest conflict is April herself. She has to face the two on a regular basis and be professional when all she wants to do is stamp her feet and throw a fit. Each meeting, April must overcome her feelings of rejection.

Resolution: Ah the suitcase. I don't need to say any more

Do the characters develop in this story? You have shown the characters in progression from the past to the present. Life changes us, what we might have done in the past must be tempered with reality and the goals for the future. I got the impression the wedding couple, while well aware of the past, saw nothing but good will from April through the wedding plan process.


What do I think needs work:
You repeat the couple are very successful, are rich and spend a lot of money often. You do it in different ways, but it is noticeable. I would rather read about April. What are her plans for the money she is going to make off this wedding. Maybe have her notice that her cards are gone from the holder, or she is surreptitiously asked for her card or slipped a phone number to call for an appointment.
The photographer was a nice addition but it went no where. Why put it there if he isn't someone she noticed before with interest. Maybe have had some previous conversation, or maybe he is a friend of the family and kind of knows there was once a connection between April and Ken. He sees her professional handling of the situation and is even more interested in he. He seemed like a ship passing in the dark.
"Just trying out the new last time. It fits, don't you think?" Did you mean last NAME? I was a little confused at this.







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .