Hello sssam-on the way back

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and also connected to the "I Write in December-January-February"  [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
The title works okay for the poem though not the most interesting but it works with the description combined to draw readers in. It would be harder if it was just the title more because so many things have been called bad day, though it does remind me a little of the song bad day even though that wasn't the prompt song for the contest you wrote this one for.


Comments:
I'm not as big into repetition so I'm a bit torn over having the words "bad day" at the beginning of each stanza. In general, I would suggest not to have them, but at the same time, during some reading of the poem, I could hear in my head where the repetition worked. So, it's more of a personal taste issue. You can try it without the bad day and see how it sounds, or keep it this same way. I could tell the words from the prompt even without the font color but I also entered this one and used the same song so that helped. Though putting at the end or in the description it's for a contest might help for when you get views that don't know it's for a contest that asked for prompt highlight/bold/color because without that knowledge it will just look like random blue thrown into a poem.


Form:
No specific form listed. Rhyme scheme appears to be xababab. The rhyme scheme isn't obvious upon just reading the poem. Looking at the last words specifically makes them a bit more stand out but when looking at the poem as a whole that isn't a big worry. Some stanzas are more obvious in rhyme than others. The first, for example, it wasn't as stand out that there was a rhyme scheme as the second stanza.



Favorite Part:
And painted monsters in a purple chrome
Then splattered darkness as it twirled.

I like the image this creates. The purple chrome is a different vision and adding that to splattered darkness and you have my attention.


Line-by-line and Suggestions:
These are my comments in relation to the poem based on my own opinion that you can take or leave at your convenience.

First Stanza - The second sentence (not line but from start to the punctuation mark, is a bit of a run on in that several lines go as a single sentence but they don't connect well enough to be a single sentence. It feels like some connective words are missing between lines to make it work that way. Could either add punctuation to make them different sentences (and add a comma in line 4) or rewrite to have it flow better in a single sentence form.

Second Stanza - Need a period after "dread" in the fifth line of this stanza. In fact this stanza has a similar issue as the first stanza sentence wise. I would suggest periods at the end of the fourth line too.

Third Stanza - I'm not sure if the comma and ; usage is right in lines four and five but they at least are there. This stanza has more punctuation used, which helps it and the others should follow similar to this when it comes to end marks because it holds up more in the technical side.


Overall, a nice poem that might need some tweaking but creates an interesting display through words. Good luck with the contest.






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .