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Review #3790286
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Heresy: The Book of Mammon Open in new Window. [13+]
Faith is symbolic to man, as is the betrayal of it. NaNo 2012 winner. {e:star} Still WiP
by J. M. Kraynak Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Chapter 4" Open in new Window.
Review by Ladybug Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with FantasyHorrorSciFi Novel Works...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi J. M. Kraynak,

This review is just my humble opinion and is meant to be helpful, not discouraging.

*Key*Title: Heresy: The Book of Mammon -- Chapter 1

*Key*Author: J. M. Kraynak


*UmbrellaP*APPEAL: Those who like to read about war and fighting will find this an interesting novel to read.

*Key*Plot:
*Paw*There seems to be war of some sort going on.

*Key*Style & Voice:
*Paw*Lady Elaine seems to be a secondary character, yet I’m not sure of her role in this tale as this point.
*Paw*written in 3rd person.

*Key*Referencing:
*Paw*genre: Fantasy time period: unknown

*Key*Scene/Setting:
*Paw*You used a nice balance of imagery and well written words that made me feel as if I am there.

*Key*DIALOGUE: The dialogue sounds natural. I know who is speaking without the overuse of dialogue.

*Key*POINT OF VIEW: I know who's point of view I’m in.

*Key*Characters: What to Comment on:
*Paw*Valimaar, The Exarch, Lady Elaine.
*Paw*Valimaar and the Exarch seem to be fighting men. Lady Elaine is still just a name.

*Paw*Grammar:
My editing skills are not the best in the world, yet I try my best to let the author know if something looks out of place, misspelled or missing.

“You should drink some water (comma) Valimaar, this heat can really take a toll on you.”

It was your zeal that got us this far (comma) Valimaar.

*Key*Just My Personal Opinion:
Who are the Expurgators?
Who is The Exarch?
What book and why is it important?
The rank of Mamluk -- is this like a private or a captain? Somewhere in between or higher than a captain?

These are just a few questions that come to mind. I’m sure most of the answers to these questions will come to light as the novel advances.

*ThumbsUp*Great job.

*ConfettiV* *ConfettiP* *ConfettiB*The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Keep unleashing your imagination and let it fly where it wishes! -- Janet Novak*ConfettiV* *ConfettiP* *ConfettiB*

Ladybug

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