\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3777311
Review #3777311
Viewing a review of:
 SQUIRRELY SQUIRREL (revised) Open in new Window. [E]
A funny children's story about a squirrel weird behavior
by mystic angel Author Icon
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello mystic angel Author Icon, my name is wizzie. *Fire*
*Devil* I read your "SQUIRRELY SQUIRREL (revised)" Open in new Window. [E], and want to share my thoughts with you. *Smile*
*Waterdrop* *Fire* *Waterdrop* *Fire* *Waterdrop* *Fire* *Waterdrop*

*Stop*Please take what I write and know it is for you to do with as you wish.

*Vine1* *Fire* *Vine2*

*Mic* This is a charming little story that I'm sure any child would love. It has plenty of action and offers a message that, "negative attention is better than none". Bogart surely picked Dezi for his entertainment, and because her reactions were exciting and offered him a challenge, he was a star.
*Vine1* *Fire* *Vine2*

*Mic* Although the story is good, the way it sits on the page makes it hard to read. I would suggest a blank line to separate the paragraphs as well as the dialogue and maybe the use of indentation. I noticed that many sentences stopped mid-page and continued on the next line. I'm not sure what might be the cause, but it is something to look at on the editing page.
*Vine1* *Fire* *Vine2*

*Mic*Overall, you have a really good story here that has interesting action. Some editing for form and appearance should increase it's appeal and readability. Good job!
*Waterdrop* *Fire* *Waterdrop* *Fire* *Waterdrop* *Fire* *Waterdrop*

*SuitHeart* wizzie *SuitHeart*
www.fictionandverse.com

Thank you for sharing your talent. I wish you luck on your writing endeavors and please, please, Keep on writing!
This has been a review affiliated with:
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3777311