Congratulations Max 's:' = 40for your winning bid on Package #25!

You will receive three in-depth reviews, a 10K Ribbon, and a genre merit badge. The following is the third and last, of the three reviews.

Hello again Missy ~ EnjoyingBeingAMommy This may be the last of the reviews coming your way via this fantastic fund raiser, yet I hope to revisit your port in the future for more fantastic entertainment.

After reading and reviewing two of your latest creations, I chose to visit "Invalid Item"  and older short story. The simple title and intriguing introduction, In the early hours of the morning, police were called to the home of George and Judy.... along with the genres, demanded my attention.

Written in third person ~ present tense ~ with a twist that would do 'The Twightlight Zone' justice. Excellently well written with great character building. I didn't really get the horror/scary until the end. Yet, I think that adding 'Psychology', as a genre would definitely draw the readers.

Good creative use of incomplete/fragmented sentences, in my opinion. That is, unless noted below.

I was beginning to think, on my first read through for entertainment that Judy was already gone and then dialogue interrupted the narrative of George's activities.

As you know, the majority of my star rating is based upon grammar and punctuation. Those concerns, which you are free to dismiss, are listed below.
George spent from dawn till [until] dusk on March fifteenth [15] of 2001... Colloquialism ~ even in casual style, in my opinion, outside of dialogue, this needs revised AND one should always use simple numbers for dates.
By his guess[,] it was going on 4 o'clock. Those pesky opening words or commas.
Now he [even] felt too tired to even think about it. Split infinitive ~ consider the revision.
...he got out his old trusty roller tiller, [rototiller] and ... Vocabulary ... Consider the revision.
Even if it took all day, it would [needed] to be perfect. Present tense & confusing. Consider the revision.
Around the bed would be a short wall of field stones with mossy rose and snap dragons planted around most of the border. Compound words ~ Consider ~ ...fieldstones... AND ...snapdragons...
He drug [dragged] himself into the house through the back door. If you are writing in present tense, consider the revision.
...and slid them one at a time off of each foot. Colloquialism.
Judy still laid [lay] on the couch where she slept most nights now. Verb confusion ~ consider the revision.
Every time he looked at her[,] it broke his heart.
She seemed so weak and fragile now that her weight and muscle[s] had [have] deteriorated giving her the appearance of a well[-]preserved mummy.
Her eyes that once sparkled with laughter, became sunken and dull. I suggest deleting the comma as it is separating the subject from its verb.
...support his aching legs.[ ]It protested with a ... Simple spacing typo.
...bathroom for a well[-]deserved shower and then on to bed. Here, consider the hyphention to emphasize the word pair.
bright pictures on the television. Thank God ,he thought. It takes so much energy for her to talk lately. Simple spacing typo.
He forced the chair's foot rest back into position, and pushed himself up out of the chair. Compound word ~ consider ...footrest...
He managed to grab a hold of the arm of the chair before he could fall [fell] to the floor. Consider the revision ~ present tense.
Once he had regained [Gaining] his balance, he cautiously walked... Just a thought...showing rather than telling.
Having found [Finding] them, he began his short journey to the bathroom.
He soaped up his frail body, rinsed off the soapy bubbles, and stepped out of the shower. He grabbed a fresh towel from the stack of them on the shelf. Present not past tense ~ consider revising or ... Soaping and eventually rinsing off his frail body, he stepped out of the shower, grabbing a fresh towel from the stack on the shelf. Best to show rather than tell. There are others!
I'll do it tomorrow." he said to the mirror. Punctuation or capitalization. Consider changing the period to a comma, Or capitalizing 'He'.
She still sat [lay] in the same place staring at the television. Just consider for consistency.
...to remember when she had ate [eaten] her last meal. Verb form ~ consider the revision.
...what he wanted to eat. he rummaged ... AND I'm too tired to fix much. he thought. Likely, editing errors ~ Punctuation or Capitalization?
He found several cans of soup in a upper cabinet. 'A' or 'An'??
When he laid [lay] down on the bed, thoughts of what ... Verb confusion.
He tossed[,] and turned[,] and chased after her all night. To simplify ~ too many 'ands'.
His mind had had been occupied for weeks about the what steps he may be forced to take. Extra words ~ consider the revision.
...she had been for the past year[.] He couldn't tell if ... Missing sentence ending punctuation.
With each step[,] it felt more like a dream.
With a week breath, she opened her eyes and looked up at him Missing sentence ending punctuation.
When it was done, he placed her a piece on a saucer. An extra word?
He carried it in to her, along with a glass of water[.] He then went back...
...other room. and strained to listen..It sounded like ... Misplaced period & other punctuation ~ ...room and strained to listen. It... OR ...other room and strained to listen...it sounded...
... nourishment for it to grow, [and] then she would ... Lacking the required conjunction.
...and said[,] “You're looking lovely this morning.” Punctuation with quotations typo.
...her last words, “ahg cha heee..[.]krg..[.]” He... To be punctually correct, you need three periods to indicate the pause.
When police got to the scene[,] they found a man lying...
Upon further investigation and eye witness accounts, it was ... Compound word ~ ...eyewitness...
...doctors for a medical condition[,] which caused him to... 'That' or 'Which' rule ~ consider the revision OR ...condition that caused...

I was feeling empathy and sympathy with George. That is, until the ending, unless of course, you mistrust the news media. Hmmm...

There was good descriptive phrasing, yet nothing jumped up, saying it was above the norm, yet I feel like the majority of the narration told rather than showed. There were those areas, that I did notate above.

I was definitely entertained and drawn to Georges circumstances, which the ending then was a shocker!

Euthenasia is murder, in my personal opinion, therefore, it would have been murder suicide either way.

Keep on writing,
Glenda
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