Hi Again Janice,

This is Joey C from "Invalid Item"  I see when looking at our garden, that you are still due some more reviews. I prayer you will continue to be patient with us as we are experiencing a bit of a backlog.

As, I have had the pleasure of reading and reviewing for you before I will simply remind you that I am not a professional editor, nor do I profess to be any kind of expert on the subject of creative writing. I am a learned novice who enjoys reading and writing, while sharing my thoughts, observations, and suggestions. All in hopes that the recipient of my review can find something useful, Even if it is to reinforce to themselves the notion that “I am full of prunes,” please reject any suggestions that you find unhelpful.

I remember sending you some comments on your very thoughtful work of "Invalid Item"  I do not recall what you thought of my review. So I will try and keep my comments more concise in my review of your short "Invalid Item" . I noticed that you had taken first place with this entry in a contest, and I would think it worthy. You were very thoughtful in detailing how you might want to spent your last days, if you were told you only had six weeks to live. I wonder what any of us would consider as the best use of our limited time, if we were suddenly confronted with such news. Your piece reflected your desire to share with those you think the most important in your life, trying to ensure that they felt and understood your love for them, and your desire that they not feel remorse was not hard to see. I too believe that no body truly dies, as long as, they are remembered.

Janice, from your writings I see an enormous emotion in your works; you choose very hard subject matter to write about. Lets face it dealing with protracted Illness, family conflict, sexuality, child abuse, the tragedy of world events like the 911 terror attack are often taboos. Yet, you show the courage to write on these subjects. Then you contrast those stories with whimsical poems about “Devils food cake,” this makes me believe you are a very interesting person, someone really worth knowing.

After reading your Bio page and header I see that you, like many of us use WdC as a social network, sort of like ‘Facebook’ but perhaps with more flexibility of content. You share your creativity, commentary, and maybe a bit of soul cleansing.

I am sorry, I promised to try to stay on subject, but the aforementioned needed to be said to show my sincerity with regard to my comments that follow.

If your use of WDC is more therapeutic then academic then a review talking about timing, sentence structure, grammar or other writing issues that are normally considered writing mechanics would not be of much value to you. Your concerns would be more human in nature; I would think you would be looking more for the emotional response to your work, looking for kindred spirits to share with and maybe even a detractor or two for some old fashion verbal jousting, just so you can affirm your feelings with contrasted banter.

If this social networking is the closest truth, then you need not be concern with your writing. I did not have any problems understanding or relating to a single word in this piece. Your, “what if”, story delivered perfectly, in simple language, the moments emotion.

But if you are looking for expanding your creative abilities. (And I think you so a good deal of talent of the art) Then I might offer the idea that you could enhance the experience with our writer’s mantra, “More Show More Senses.” You told us how you felt, what you would do, but how much more empathic could we have been, if you had pealed back a layer of flesh, and let us see the beating hearts.

What if you added a bit more of what you saw, felt, smelt, heard, and tasted. What if you said it more like this?

“We would cruse to an exotic tropical island, with pure white sandy beaches. There would be a lush green shoreline backed by tall palm trees, bent low with heavy clusters of brown, banded, coconuts. Their cool shadows beckon to us, telling of a reprieve from the warm sun that beats upon our bare shoulders. But, no, the screaming seagull’s call, bids us to continue. The gentle surf lapping at our ankles, it tickles our feet as it pulls the soft sand past our toes.

An old native beachcomber stops to snap a photo for us; his long unkempt, sandy hair, makes his use of the viewfinder difficult. But, he framed the sleek red three-masted schooner behind us. It a perfect contrast to the iridescent blue of the water. The salty air feels heavy, but still it’s a comfort, offsetting the dry fatigue in my chest. I don’t know if I could contain the joy when my oldest excitedly hands me the near perfect shiny tan shell, I tell him that if he holds it to his ear he will hear me whispering to him.”

I do not know if any of the last to paragraphs would fit in the moment, only you can describe that brief memory that most last their remaining days with out you. What I am saying is I have read your work you have much to give and share, I know you could bring out the laughter, the tears, and the screams of joy as the reflections wash over us. What I am saying is don’t settle with telling us it was sweet, let us see the honey glistening on your lips, let us feel the sticky syrup from the pineapple as it drips from your hand.

Well that’s my comment, I love what you have, but, like most greedy children, I want more. So the question is are you brave enough to let us inside you, to let us use your senses, to be there vicariously, feeling your chest rise and fall with each breath you share with us.

On the off chance that you are interested in Grammar issues. Though I will venture there are far more in my review then in your entire portfolio. You are missing a space after ‘children’ (I'd tell my children,"God couldn't have sent me any more wonderful children then the three of you.)

Also missing space after ‘sunrise.’ (“get up early and watch the beautiful sunrise.This exotic island would)

And your sentence (‘When it comes to my final days of living.) is a fragment.

I do hope you find something helpful.

Joey C.