Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.

Title: Fits well with your piece

Description: I get that this is a stream of consciousness when I read your description, I hope you don't mind that I tried to pull it together...

Contents: A stream of consciousness that I can just bet it felt good to get off of your chest. There is a sense of honesty in the tone, and frustration is palpable to the reader. I'm sure I'd be pretty pissed from the information I gleaned from reading.

Thumbs up: You've written from the heart a very powerful and honest portrayal of an emotional state.

Conventions:

For the past couple of days you tell me all this stuff that you know i want to hear then tonight when a conflicts starts with your boyfriend you sit there and ignore me how can you say you are a real man and not a player. >>>> Slow down- take a breath-

the I needs to be a capital
after hear, put a period
comma after boyfriend
period after me.
question mark at the end of that part.

All i see is a player, a fake, a liar, and not a real man >>period here.

You could at least tell me what the f*** i did, but no you just ignore me >> cap. I and a period at the end.


I had a good life with someone I loved but I broke up with them, because I thought you were different, >> change comma to period

I guess I am the fool in this not you for even believing you. >> you could leave out -not you- in this sentence-

I was ready to settle down with you after only knowing you a couple days because you told me all these great things about you and we had so much in common. >> two sentences-
you can leave out -only- and leave out the -because-

Instead you crushed me>>> period here

now I know not to trust anyone ever again, cap and period for this sentence

it hurts more that I was lied to then the fact that I am getting the cold shoulder from you. >>>> What about--- The cold shoulder doesn't hurt as much as the fact that you lied to me. ?? How does that sound?

I am not one of those guys who beg a man back or threaten to kill himself from being hurt; >> Go ahead and put a period here

I have more respect of myself then to even think about doing that. >> than, not then

((((I have tried in the past but I am better than that,>>> read this section and leave this part out- I think its more powerful and to the point without this sentence))) if we don't become anything then hey I guess I had fun talking with you, but I am going to move on and find someone who wants me.

((((A man who doesn't lie and come up with all these stories and things like you have done>> read without this part- I think it detracts from your point)))) you are a great guy in your own way but I can't wait forever for you, either make up your mind now or say good-bye.


Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

I'd be happy to 're-review' your piece if you choose to edit it further.



Amay