Technically, it's pretty well written although you could break it into paragraphs for clarity. The problem with the story is that it doesn't seem like a story, that is a tale with a beginning, middle and end. It's more like a list of thoughts about guys and appearance. It needs some focus. Your description said she has to make a 'big decision.' What is it?

I didn't find it that erotic. Wanting more than one orgasm is interesting but not especially erotic. Erotic is describing how you get the orgasm. :)

A nice effort, but it needs a little work.