Chapter #4Interrogations by: Hole   As per the Guidelines of Ethical Experimentation of Primitive Intelligent Species, I shall start with interrogating the subjects so they know they are the subjects of our experiments.
The following is a transcript of my first conversation with the subjects.
Captain Vexi: Greetings Humans.
Nia Jackson: Huh? What was that?
Tina North: Who is that?
Tiffany Tibbetts: Where’s my husband?
Kimberly Horthy: Whoever you are, you better let me out of here else you’ll see my lawyers!
Lindsey North: Wait, you’re our kidnapper? You got any food, I’m starving.
CV: Food will be provided in due time. For now, allow my to explain everything.
KH: You’ll explain everything to my lawyers once I call them! Gah! Why isn’t there any signal here?
NJ: No signal? Damn it, how am I supposed to call my backup uber to pick up Darius (Nia’s oldest child) from soccer practice?
CV: This ship is outside the range of all your communication infrastructure. It is done for yours and our safety.
TN: Wait, outside?
TT: Communiwho-now and infrawhat?
TN: Are you saying we’re in the middle of nowhere?
LN: Does that mean no internet?
CV: No internet. No 5G. No 4G. No landlines. No radio signals. We are at the edge of your solar system, far outside what your species is capable of communicating with.
TT: The solar system?
TN: Are you saying we’re…
NJ: In space?
KH: N-No way! Just who the hell are you?
CV: I am Captain Vexi Vi Vexovax. I am what you would call an ‘alien’.
NJ, KH, TT, and TN at the same time: An alien?
LN: That's great! That means you have, like, SUPER internet or something, right?
CV: This ship does not have super internet.
LN: For real? What kind of aliens are you?
TT: I-if you’re an alien. Then that means we’re. We’re.
TN: We’re in space.
CV: Yes. We are all in space, currently.
NJ: Damn. I’m definitely gonna be late for work tonight.
KH: And this definitely counts as kidnapping! However long your species’ lifespan is, you’re spending it ALL behind bars!
CV: Please, calm down and save your remarks until after I explain everything.
A period of silence.
After every subject has calmed down
CV: Thank you. Your species, Homo Sapiens as you call yourselves, are on track to enter the galactic stage within the next two hundred solar cycles. In preparation for this event, I have been dispatched to study your civilization and culture to determine what your species will be like when you achieve faster than light space travel. As part of this process, I have abducted you five to conduct research on in order to find more detail beyond distant observance.
NJ: So… you’re basically judging humanity on us?
CV: Incorrect. You five are merely the first to be selected. Although if enough data is gathered from you five, very few or no more subjects will need to be abducted for research.
Silence.
TN: And what’ll happen if your…results about us aren’t good?
CV: That information has been deemed classified in order to get as unbiased a result from experimentation.
KH: Well whatever your experiments are, I don’t care. Don't you know-
TN: Wait, Mrs Horthy.
KH: What?!
The five subjects gather together to whisper to each other. They do not apparently know that they can still be heard and recorded, but out of respect for privacy and due to its irrelevance to the experiments, their whispered conversation will not be transcribed.
The subjects break apart.
TN: C-Captain Vexi. We have agreed to go through all your experiments voluntarily.
TT: Y-yeah. I-I don’t want to leave a bad impression of my husband or kids to you.
LN: I’m down for whatever.
NJ: As long as we’re out before my night shift, I’ll go through with it.
KH: Fine. I suppose I might as well go through your experiments.
CV: That is good to hear.
A convenient development. All five subjects have given their consent to be experimented on. This frees my division from any ethical breaches we were preparing to face in this phase, but now we are free to conduct as extensive experiments as we want.
But first things first, we must conduct some basic:
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