Allison felt her face turn beet red as the boy opened his mouth. Even though the music pouring out of the speakers was enough to be heard all around the block, the boy's voice somehow seemed to be loud enough to be heard by everyone in the cramped room.
"Hey... aren't you that art student that doesn't have any friends?"
Allison's mouth instantly felt dry, and she immediately shifted her gaze down to her shoes as she looked for a response. "Um, yeah" she croaked, quietly.
"Oh. Cool. Um, not to be mean, but who do you know here? Did you get invited by one of the hosts?" he asked. His tone wasn't quite mocking or cruel, but Allison, ever the anxious pessimist, couldn't tell. Her mind raced. Was she about to be kicked out by this guy? She thought things were going so well until she told him her name. Why does this always happen?
"Um, well, one of my friends was invited by the, um, house owner. Er, I mean the person who lives here. One of the people, I mean. And we came together, but she left about fifteen minutes ago to take her roommate home, because she got too drunk and threw up. So now I don't know anybody here." she said. Great going, Ally. She thought to herself, sarcastically. Way to be straight to the point.
"Oh. Okay. That's cool. I'm gonna go get another drink" the boy said. He turned his back to Allison and walked across the crowded room, pushing his way through a dense pack of inebriated undergraduates. Within a moment he was out of sight.
Allison sighed. Why was she always so awkward around, well, everyone? She was a little bit of a shrinking violet in high school, true. Allison was nothing if not a good student, but she was always shy, even in class. She opened up around family and friends and some of her teachers who liked her, of course, but most of the student body at her old high school thought of her as a little quiet and a little strange. She was never too popular, though it didn't bother her much. She always told herself as long as she had her best friends - who she has known since she started school - she was perfectly happy. And she was, for a long time.
But Allison's best friends didn't come with her to the University of Bethlehem, like they always talked about in high school. Chloe ended up at the University of Pennsylvania (which, frankly, made Allison envious, though she never said so), and Sarah and Jess went to Penn State and roomed together, leaving Allison behind as soon as the summer ended. Allison was heartbroken by her friends decisions. Her friends and family were like a security blanket; she needed them around her to thrive.
Growing up, Allison and her friends all agreed they'd go to Bethlehem to study education, and then they'd all return to their hometown and teach at their old high school. But Chloe decided to pursue a legal education, and Sarah and Jess went off to study engineering. Allison was the last holdout upholding their original bargain, studying art and education at the UofB, though she was beginning to question her choice. Without her lifelong friends to boost her confidence and comfort her, Allison was having quite the hard time adjusting to both college courses and the social scene. Her social anxiety was only made worse without her old friends surrounding her, and she became withdrawn quite quickly. She'd only made one real friend at UofB so far - Saadie from EDJ 104, who invited her to the party she was currently at - though Saadie was a bit too high-energy for the reserved Allison. Allison preferred to stay in while Saadie led groups of education and art majors out to the bars or hosted board game nights, which led to Allison becoming quite withdrawn from her classmates and the residents of her dorm. Allison barely saw her roommate - a business student named Hannah who spent all of her time either studying at the library, working, or drinking - leaving Allison alone in her dorm room most weekend nights. She was planning on spending another night alone until Saadie asked her if she'd like to tag along to a house party a junior she knew was throwing. Allison didn't really want to go, but she didn't want to be alone, either, so she reluctantly agreed.
She spent most of the party hovering awkwardly, eyes wide, near Saadie, who was able to slip in and out of conversations with ease. She seemed to know and be friends with everybody. Allison knew nobody else at the party. She wondered how Saadie met all these people if she had only been here for a few weeks. After all, it took her years to build up her close friendships with Chloe, Sarah, and Jess, so how could somebody so casually and quickly befriend a bunch of strangers at university?
She looked down at the red solo cup full of some kind of mixed drink Saadie poured for her. She took a few sips, and felt immensely guilty for even being at the party. She and her friends from back home swore to each other they'd never be "party girls". She felt like she was trampling all over her value just by holding the cup. She wondered whether her friends were honoring their commitment at UPenn and Penn State. She hoped so.
She looked around the room once more, scanning the crowd for any kind of friendly face. She met the gaze of a few strangers, who averted their eyes as she looked around. She felt her face turn red and hot as she remembered the boy's words, and she wondered if everybody at the party knew her as the friendless weird chick that takes art classes. She sighed, set her drink down on a bookshelf, and walked out of the party. She met no resistance as she did so. Nobody asked for her to stay, or showed surprise she was even leaving.
She hurried back to her dorm, walking at a brisk pace. Her head hung low between her arched shoulders, and she stared at the ground every time she passed by other house parties or groups of friends enjoying their night out. She thought she recognized a few strangers here and there, perhaps from her classes, but she was too afraid to say hello. And besides, wouldn't they judge her for being alone on this Friday night?
She hurried through the common room in her dorm, not daring to return the gaze of the few homebodies hanging out and playing board games together. They were probably too weird for her, anyway, she decided. Best to go watch Netflix or read a book.
When she opened her dorm door, she was shocked to see Hannah and a group of people all crowded around Allison's dresser in the corner of the room. They all appeared to be ogling the antique dollhouse she had set up on top of her dresser. Hannah spun around, a grin spread across her face as she greeted Allison. "Heyyyy!" she slurred. She sounded drunk.
The other students turned to face her, too. They all had wide eyes and big, tipsy smiles across their face. Allison immediately smelled the scent of alcohol on their breath. An empty bottle of vodka was laid on Hannah's bed. They must have been doing shots.
Allison grimaced. "Um, hi" she said, nervously. She didn't like seeing so many strangers in her room, and she really didn't like seeing them crowded around one of her prized possessions, and one of the only things she brought with her to university that gave her comfort and joy.
"Sorry we're abouttoleave. Do you wanna come withus? We're gonnago to Pit's and then maybe goto Ratskeller if it's still open" Hannah said, stumbling towards her roommate.
"No, I, um, just came from a party and I'm going to go to bed" she said, feigning a yawn. "Lots to do tomorrow".
A few of Hannah's friends smiled and exchanged glances. Allison knew Hannah was probably making fun of her. They were probably all gathered around her dollhouse and making fun of the fact that she had it at all. But nobody said anything now that she was here.
Allison stood in the corner of her room while Hannah and her friends gathered up their things and filed out, stumbling one after the other. Allison sat in the silence for a moment as she waited to see if Hannah was going to return. When she was satisfied she was alone, she dumped her purse and phone on her desk and sauntered over to the dollhouse. She felt a frown form on her face as she examined it. Someone's fingerprints had been left all over the roof and exterior, and the front door had been snapped off of its hinges entirely. She picked it up and cradled it in her hand. Her grandmother gave her that dollhouse before she passed away, and she brought it with her to college to remind her of home. Seeing it handled so roughly filled her with sadness.
She set the door down and walked over to her little dorm-room bed, just barely taller than her. She laid down, not bothering to get out of the jeans or blouse she had put on just for the party, and let out a depressed sigh. She didn't like being alone. She missed her hometown. She missed her family, and she missed her friends. She wondered what Chloe was up to, and if she was having trouble making friends, too. She missed how good she felt when she was acing Ms. Fulton's senior English class on Shakespeare. She wished she could ask Ms. Fulton for advice, like she had so many times in high school. She wished she was back in Ms. Fulton's class, sitting with her friends and trying to text them underneath the table. She wished the world hadn't changed so suddenly.
She closed her eyes and tried to. push away the sad thoughts. She wished she was back home. And she wished she could see someone that brought her comfort.
She wished she could talk to...
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