Ryan stuffed his hands into his pockets awkwardly, his eyes darting around feverishly as he and Stuart stood around idly in the housewares aisle. A pool of sweat had collected in his pits, so much so that the Irish lad was almost certain that any old customer walking by would spy the dark stains beneath his shoulders and gag consequently.
Ryan's eyes momentarily flickered back to Stuart. His face soured once he saw the pensive expression laced across his coworker's face, his gaze uncharacteristically stoic and reserved. His eyes moved around a lot too, though Ryan suspected it was for a wholly different reason than his own. Seeing him like this caused Ryan to mentally relive what Stuart had told him back in the closet.
' "It's my nifty little head swapping device." '
Stuart had said it so offhandedly, as if it was laughably pitiful that Ryan hadn't reached the same conclusion by himself. It was impossible, surely. Though Stuart had shown him that remote, sleek and silver, with blue lights streaking across a clear panel on the underside and that eerie button showing the two exchanging heads plastered on it, it was still no more believable. Such a device couldn't exist, surely.
But then again...?
Ryan's face flashed down to Stuart's slight frame, his mouth hanging ajar as he ogled the latter's svelte curves, pert backside, and rumbling jugs stuffed into his tight Wilko blouse, ones that jiggled up and down with each heaving breath. Ryan blushed again, averting his eyes as he quietly scolded himself for staring once again.
"S-So..." he chuckled meekly, cradling the back of his neck. "...Why are we just hanging out here again?"
"Hush!" Stuart scream-whispered, pressing a pink-varnished nail against his lip. "You want us to get caught or what?"
"W-Why?" Though he still anxiously hopped from foot to foot, Ryan sounded genuinely irked.
"What's so wrong with getting caught? Like anyone will believe you if you claim that someone randomly sent you a head-swapping remote in the mail yesterday morning."
Ryan fell silent as Stuart huffed petulantly and turned to face him, his deep blue eyes narrowed and stormy. A squeak escaped Ryan’s lips as Stuart’s fingers suddenly reached out and stroked his chest, his breath hot against the underside of Ryan's chin as he began tracing out the outline of his midsection with such homoerotic flair that Ryan shuddered at his touch.
"Oh, sweet, naïve Ryan,” he cooed, his hips cocking to the side as he playfully pinched his bottom lip between his teeth.
“It’s not whether they believe me that I care about," he explained, his manicured fingers finally trickling up to Ryan's chapped lips. "It's about what they do when they find out that I was telling the truth. After all, it wouldn't be much fun to use the remote if everyone else had had their fair share of using it beforehand."
Stuart giggled quietly and whipped back around, returning to scoping around the shop floor.
“O-Oh..." Ryan pondered this for a moment. “B-But isn’t that… I mean… it’s a tad selfish, don’t you think?"
"Careful," Stuart spat, "You seem to have suddenly got a moral compass shooting up your arse."
Ryan blushed again. He wasn't sure why Stuart was having this effect on him. Ryan was fairly certain of his heterosexuality but, alas, the beginnings of a boner had pushed through his tighty-whities, making him ever the more uncomfortable. He became even more distressed as Stuart grabbed him by the hand, dragging him behind before they came to rest behind a conveniently placed rack of utensils.
"There," Stuart whispered as he ducked down and pointed someone out in the distance, prompting Ryan to do the same. Ryan followed Stuart's gaze and landed upon Tiffany, one of the newer employees in store, muttering something unintelligible as she juggled a bottle of disinfectant in her rough palms.
"W-What's Tiffany got to do with this?"
Stuart giggled again. “You’ve always thought of her as a bit of a tomboy, haven’t you?”
Ryan shrugged in response. It was hard to dispute that. As far as he could tell Tiffany had never made much of an effort to embrace her femininity, her hair always strung up into a messy brown ponytail, while she always opted against wearing makeup, preferring to rock a somewhat unpolished looked as she wore the trademark Wilko polo shirt with baggy boot-cut trousers and a pair of scuffed black trainers. It complimented her boyish demeanour, all suave and cool in that reserved masculine way. It was hard for Ryan to fathom her looking any different, with the thought of her choosing to wear skirts or dresses completely foreign to him.
“W-Well, yeah…”
“Good.” Stuart's grin was mischievous, his finger twitching eagerly over that big blue button. "She's going to help me show you what this bad boy can do."
“W-Wait, what?!”
Before he could protest, Stuart smacked his free hand over Ryan's mouth. Muffled groans slipped out between his pilfered fingers as Rob walked in from another aisle. The two had been assigned to the same aisle after all. A little bag of knickknacks were currently clasped in his grip. Though Ryan couldn't hear what had been said, he could make out that Rob had let off a little quip that'd made them both laugh.
It felt intrusive to be observing them both so intently from the shadows but it was clear that Stuart had his own reasoning behind doing this, whether or not he'd tell Ryan why was up to him to decide.
"Hold on tight," Stuart cited, his grip tightening even more around Ryan's hand. "You won't see the magic unfold if you're not at least indirectly connected to the remote."
Ryan's cheeks flushed again. He wrapped his larger fingers around Stuart's and looked forward, unsure of what to expect but waiting patiently for whatever it was to happen all the same.
A subtle *click!* came from the remote as Stuart pushed down the strange button.
Suddenly, an immense burst of blue light arced out from the remote's front towards both Tiffany and Rob, flashing and sparking vociferously as if possessed by a chaotic sentient will. Ryan's eyes glittered in awe as the light skittered across the floor around either employee's feet, as if fully appreciating the opportunity to be free to run amok, before zipping upwards and etching precise blue lines across their necklines just below the jugular.
Ryan was left speechless as Tiffany and Rob continued chatting amongst themselves, even as their scalps began collapsing in on themselves and the rest of their faces tumbled into the blue void now sliced into their heads. Ryan squealed as the heads fully disappeared, the only traces of them ever being there being the thick stumps with the swirling blue vortex atop them. Their bodies teetered, reeling from the sudden loss of mass.
Moments later the heads reemerged, albeit with each one on the opposite gendered body.
Ryan could hardly believe what he was seeing and his mouth flapped open and closed multiple times in shock.
Aside from taking a few seconds to blink, neither one of Ryan's coworkers seemed too perturbed by what had just occurred. Their conversation continued as if nothing had happened, with Tiffany nonchalantly stuffing her hands into Rob's pockets as she ripped off a responding joke and Rob smiling gleefully as he adjusted the bra straps digging into his new shoulders.
"H-Holy sh*t!" Ryan squealed, his tongue and lungs finally coordinating.
"F*cking hell,” Stuart chuckled, his hands placed on his stolen hips. "You sure do screech a lot."
Stuart smirked at Ryan's dumbfounded expression as he blew the remote and tucked it back into the waistband of his lace knickers, as if it were a revolver & he was an amoral gunslinger from one of the old school westerns that Christian loved so much.
“…That'll never get old."
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