"Tremble, puny ants!" Hilda cackled. "Tremble before the might of Hilda!"
She punctuated this with another stomp, sending most of the ground units fleeing towards their respective bases. The exception was one lone blue and orange dot, which remained perfectly still right next to Hilda's other foot. The giantess frowned in curiosity. Was someone really planning to face her alone? She knelt down, trying to get a better look at the brave, foolish soul who...
Oh. It was Sylvain. He was looking up her skirt.
"Really, Sylvain?"
Sylvain's reply was a collection of barely coherent syllables. His nose then started bleeding. Rolling her eyes, Hilda stooped down to one knee and brought her thumb and middle finger down to the ground next to him. Piecing together what she was about to do, Sylvain snapped out of his perverted stupor and tried to run, but was too late as Hilda flicked her finger, sending the perverted knight in training hurtling through the air towards the Blue Lions home base.
On the plus side, Hilda could now probably get Sylvain to do her chores for her for the rest of the year. Once he got out of the infirmary, at least.
Meanwhile, in the hills surrounding the Black Eagles' base, Bernadetta had the sights of her ballista trained on Hilda, and was trembling with significantly more fear than usual.
"Bernadetta, she's in range!" Edelgard yelled from the nearby fortress. "Take the shot!"
"B-but one shot won't take her down!" Bernadetta tried to argue. "It... it'll take time to load another arrow, and by the time I do she'll be over here! And she'll be mad!"
"Lady Edelgard GAVE you an ORDER!" Hubert growled menacingly.
With a pitiful, terrified squeak, Bernadetta closed her eyes tightly and took the shot. The arrow sailed through the air before embedding itself into Hilda's rear.
"OW!" Hilda flinched. "What was that?!" She looked around before finding the splinter sized arrow sticking out of her skirt and pulling it out.
"That was my nicest skirt! Who did this?!"
Hilda's eyes scanned the battlefield before noticing a lone ballista in Black Eagles territory. Squinting, she recognized the frail, purple haired girl from Black Eagle House that almost never left her room. Bern... something. Smiling, she slowly stalked towards her.
"Aw... a ballista... isn't that cute..." she cooed, before her face broke into a wide grin and she raised her foot ominously over it.
"...BUT IT'S WRONG!"
Bernadetta shrieked and abandoned the ballista seconds before Hilda's boot came crashing down on it, instantly reducing it to scrap and creating a shockwave that sent the poor archer half-running, half-tumbling down the hill.
"EDELGARDI'MRETREATINGPLEASEDON'THATEMEBYE!"
"Cowardice," Hubert muttered.
"She was right about not taking the shot," Edelgard looked towards Bernadetta's retreating form with concern before turning to glare at Hubert. "We should have listened to her."
"If we are to survive what is to come, the loyalty of your subjects must be absolute, Lady Edelgard,"
"I... I know..." Edelgard looked away with a frown.
The earth then shook violently as Hilda sat down on a nearby hill, cheerfully humming to herself as she began to pick ballista parts out of the treads of her boot and deliberately flick them towards Edelgard's fortress.
"Have you figured out what spell the Golden Deer used on her?" Edelgard asked her chief mage and adviser. "Any chance of reverse engineering it? It may be the only way we can salvage this battle."
"I should be able to replicate it soon," Hubert nodded before frowning at something in the distance. "The Blue Lions are approaching."
"Of course they are..." Edelgard muttered.
---
"Move in, fellow Lions!" Dimitri ordered. "We shall take the Black Eagles' fort while they are distracted and carry the day!"
"This is a stupid idea, Dimitri," Felix growled. "We should be more worried about THAT." He gestured towards Hilda, who had finished cleaning her boot and was about to resume her rampage.
"Let Edelgard be taken in by the Golden Deer's trickery and illusions," Dimitri scoffed. "While they are distracted, we will descend on them both!"
"Illusion?!" Felix slapped his forehead in frustration. "Sylvain seemed pretty sure it was real. The Black Eagles' archer DEFINITELY thought it was real. Illusions don't destroy ballistas, Dimitri!"
"Sylvain's judgment is always clouded by members of the fairer sex," Dimitri reminded his rebellious classmate. "And from what I hear, that archer is afraid of her own shadow. Enough talk! CHARGE!"
Felix rolled his eyes as the rest of the Blue Lions heedlessly followed Dimitri into the fray. "Idiots..."
---
"Wow," Claude grinned as he watched Hilda lay waste to the battlefield. "This is going even better than I thought!"
"I'm surprised the other two houses aren't teaming up to stop her," Lysithea mused from her spot under a shady tree, laying against it to relax as she recovered from the intense magic she performed earlier. "I mean, it wouldn't have helped, but I at least expected them to make the attempt."
"I left a few anonymous notes on the bulletin boards around the monastery," Claude winked to the mage. "Petty house insults attributed to the other one. Stoked some rivalries so there was no way Edelgard and Dimitri would cooperate. It's all in good fun."
"Claude, I can't know about that," Byleth warned sternly.
"Sorry, Teach!" Claude waved his hand apologetically. "Just speaking metaphorically! You heard nothing!"
"Wait a moment," Lorenz frowned. "How is Claude's subterfuge not allowed, and yet this..." he gestured in the distance towards Hilda as she started rooting through the Black Eagles fortress like a dollhouse in order to grab Edelgard. "Is perfectly acceptable?"
"This is a completely valid exercise of Lysithea's magical abilities," Byleth explained. "One she's getting extra credit for, incidentally."
Lysithea grinned contentedly as she continued to watch the battle.
"Um... professor?" a timid voice spoke up. Byleth turned and smiled gently to their newest recruit, who the Golden Deer had heroically saved from heretics the past month.
"Yes, Flayn? What is it?"
"My brother is flying towards us," Flayn pointed in the distance. "And he does not look happy."
Byleth followed Flayn's finger. True to her words, Seteth was approaching them on his wyvern, and his scowl was more pronounced than usual.
"Professor, what IS this?!" Seteth demanded. "Lady Rhea is most upset! This unnatural display is not in keeping with the spirit of the Battle of Eagle and Lion!"
"Well, seeing as we're neither Eagles nor Lions, I don't see the problem," Byleth noted.
"Excuse me?" Seteth narrowed his eyes.
"This academy has three houses, Seteth," Byleth reminded him. "Whenever we have these events, the Golden Deer House feels like an afterthought. What's next? Are you going to forget to paint Claude in the house leader portrait and haphazardly put him in upside down at the last minute? My class is constantly feeling marginalized, and as their professor, I have to advocate for them."
"B...be that as it may, this is still unacceptable! The Golden Deer are hereby disqualified!" This was met with an uproar, as even the students who weren't on board with Hilda being a giantess protested their house's disqualification.
"Very well," Byleth sighed as he walked towards the giant warhorn he and Claude had set up on top of their fort the night before.
"Hilda," Byleth spoke through it. "It's over. We're disqualified. Come on back."
In the distance, Hilda ignored him and chased the fleeing Blue Lion army, with Edelgard struggling in her hand.
"Hilda? HILDA!"
"Can't talk, professor! Busy having fun!" Hilda called back distractedly as she reached into the crowd and snatched Dimitri.
"Welp," Byleth backed off from the war horn. "She's gone mad with power. I warned you, Claude. That's stable cleaning duty for a month."
"Damn it, Hilda," Claude muttered.
"If you expected her to go mad with power," Seteth growled, "then why did you approve this?!"
"Learning experience," Byleth shrugged.
Meanwhile, Hilda had Dimitri and Edelgard in each hand, and was now roughly mashing their faces together as the pair screamed in terror and disgust.
"NOW KIIIIIISSSSSSSS!"
"We will discuss this later," Seteth threatened Byleth as he took back to the skies in his wyvern, planning to summon the knights.
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