Your name is Claire, and there are quite a few things you're not fond of.
First off all, you're not fond of classical music. That's because your parents named you Claire Daisy Lunn. Or Claire D, Lunn,
Who does that to a kid? And how many times have you answered, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do know what it sounds like."
Sometimes you're not fond of your family. You love them, of course, but you're not always fond of them. For example, your family moved from Sheffield to western Canada when you were only one, So your mother, father and older siblings all have that cool accent, and you're stuck saying, "Eh?" like all the Canadians do in the stupid American sitcoms. Seriously, you can't even fake your family's accent because, on you, it sounds fake.
You are especially not fond of Valeria Lukyanova, because of your uncanny resemblance to her. You tell people all the time that you're English and Canadian, not Ukrainian. You add that, no, you don't dye your hair, and you haven't had plastic surgery, because you only turned eighteen, and who can afford all that surgery anyway? And yes, they are real, and you wished they weren't, because they get in the way all the time, and every other woman in the family is A- and B-cups, not E-cups.
You'd cut your hair and dye it black if your Mum would let you, but she won't. So you wear your pale blonde hair down to the small of your back for now, and dream of running off to join some cult where the first thing they'll do is shave your head.
It probably doesn't need to be mentioned, but you don't like Barbie dolls either.
You don't so much don't like dating, as you avoid it like the plague. That's because no one wants to get to know you. They already have an image of what they assume you're like in their head, and just want to do whatever is necessary to plow you like a wheat field two hours before it's supposed to start raining.
But at some point in your life, you would like to start dating. You just don't know if it's possible to get past all the bullshit that's going to come with the actual dating process.
Then you find the Monstr dating app. At first you thought it had to be some elaborate prank. But then you begin to investigate it, and discover that it's either real, or someone has gone to some pretty elaborate measures
You start looking at the profiles, and you wonder if maybe, perhaps maybe, you should date a monster. After all, any preconceived notions they have about you will be about all humans, and not just you specifically. Maybe this is just what you need to get started dating.
So with a set jaw and some determined typing, you start filling out your profile. In no time at all, you get offers, and you decided to meet up with one of the following at the local park:
Njal, a twenty-foot tall male frost giant. He may seem to have a cold, hard exterior, but he is soft and warm on the inside
Sven, a six and half foot tall blonde hair, blue eyed muscled male warrior who can transform into a bear. Most of his family are bear cult members, but after leaving the military, Sven is getting away from all that. He's now a franchise owner in the build-a-bear workshops.
Twelve (real name undecipherable), a male, squid like being whose race lives in the depths of the oceans. Twelve absolutely hates being stereotyped with other tentacled monsters, and makes it pointedly clear on his profile that he does not kidnap human women to take down to his watery lair, and that he absolutely hates anal sex.
Paddy, a three foot tall male leprechaun who is mischievous and thinks his brogue can get him out of anything. Extravagant spender who lets you know his body may be half sized, but his 'equipment' isn't.
Lusa , a sixty foot long, green scaled male dragon who is naturally vegetarian and a dedicated eco-activist. Loves to take dates on Nature themed outings.   indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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