My parents, and my aunt (mother's sister) and her husband (my uncle) had decided to drive to another city for a show of a comedy group that they all loved. That city was 3-1/2 hours away driving, so they had decided to drive there this afternoon after I got home, see the show tonight, and drive back the next day. I'd be babysitting my sisters, 13-year-old Deborah and 12-year-old Donna, along with my "niece," who was actually my 14-year-old cousin Katie. Katie liked to think of me as her uncle for some strange reason, but hey, family is family.
When my boss found out I'd be babysitting the girls, he asked me if it would be OK to send along gifts "to help make the evening more fun." I was sure that the girls would like that, so I thanked him; he handed me a package, and told me not to open it until everyone was there, because "it will be lots more fun that way." I should have remembered the old saying: The ways of wizards are subtle and mysterious. Yeah, especially when they're playing a practical joke on you.
So I got home; Dad's car was backed into the driveway, and he was putting a suitcase in the trunk; Mom's car was in its normal place next to Dad's in the driveway; and my aunt and uncle's car was parked where I normally park in front of the house, so I parked across the street in front of the neighbor's house.
As I locked up my car and started across the street, I suddenly remembered the gift package and went back for it. By the time I retrieved it, everyone was outside saying goodbye to the adults; I said goodbye to my parents and my aunt and uncle, and gave the three girls a hug hello; the four of us waited outside as the adults drove away.
As we walked toward the door, I told the girls, "My boss, who is a real live wizard, sent gifts home with me for you. Would you like to have them?" Their excitement was a lot of fun, and as soon as I got to the living room sofa, I opened the package; inside were four wristbands that looked for all the world like FitBit exercise monitors, in black, red, yellow, and green. I passed out the colored wristbands to the girls, and put the black one on myself.
Once the wristbands had been distributed, I noticed a piece of paper in the box that I would have sworn hadn't been there before; I opened it. At the top, it said, "Jake, please read these instructions carefully, and let the girls read them as well. The four of you should have a lot of fun with these gifts, and the more you know about how to use them, the more fun you'll have!"
"Ladies," I said, "I'd like to read the instructions to you, and you can read them yourselves afterward if you want."
And here's what I read to them:
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Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a set of 4 (the number was handwritten) spatial regulator bands. These bands allow you to adjust your dimensional relationship to the world, and each band has the ability to control any or all of the other bands as well.
To turn the band on, hold the side button until you see a checkmark on the screen. When the band is ready, you will see your height on the screen, and "up" and "down" buttons. These buttons will adjust your target size; when your desired size is shown, tap the size readout to adjust your size slowly, double-tap for more quickly, or triple-tap for instant size change. Note that these bands will only change the size of the body to which they are attached (along with themselves); however, anything contained within that body will also experience a size change.
To remote-control another band, swipe the screen right or left until the band color of the other band is displayed (the black band will display as white), then tap the screen to confirm.
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By the time I got finished reading these instructions aloud, my mind was boggled. My boss had actually given three young teenage girls the tools they needed to make me literally their plaything.
The girls looked at each other, and started discussing:
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