This choice: Go see what Liz is doing • Go Back...Chapter #3An All Natural Breakfast by: Unknown While you wait for Sally to come over, you decide you'll go see what your sister Liz is up to in her room. She was acting a bit strange just now, and you want to try to figure out why.
You wander down the hall to her room to find her laying on her bed, her lower half under a sheet and her phone in her hands. Her room hasn't changed much in the last few years; her flowery white and pink bedspread covered with way too many pillows and stuffed animals, her light pink walls bearing countless boyband posters. She's a 15 year old girl still living the life of a 13 year old. You notice she has a sandwich and yet another glass of apple juice on her bedside table. You could've sworn she went straight to her room earlier.
"Where'd you get the sandwich?" you ask.
"Made it," she says tersely, her eyes never leaving her phone.
"You made it? You couldn't have been in the kitchen for more than, like, five seconds. "
"Well, yeah, I had to get the bread." Sure enough, bagged bread loaf is joining her sandwich on the little table. That doesn't explain where she got the contents, though.
"But that's, like, a whole sandwich. Where'd you get stuff to put in it?"
Liz looks up from her phone. "I pulled it out of my ass," she says, although... not quite as sarcastically as you expected. "You want a bite? It's still fresh." That's not usually the way people describe sandwiches.
"Uhm, sure..." You're a little unsure, given how weird she's continuing to act, but you haven't eaten breakfast yet, and a sandwich would really hit the spot. She hands you the mysterious sandwich, which you notice is strangely warm. How did she manage that? You go to take a bite when a strange odor hits you, and it's not a pleasant smell. Could it be the sandwich? "Hey, uhh, what's in this?" you ask.
"You know... I don't really remember. What did we have for dinner last night again?"
"What?" you ask, now thoroughly confused. "We had steak and potatoes, but why do you ask? Is it, like, a leftovers sandwich or something?"
"Look, do you want a bite or not? I wanna eat it before it gets cold." Seeing as she's getting impatient, you go ahead and take a bite out of the strange sandwich. Suddenly, the most appalling of appalling tastes assaults your mouth. The sandwich tastes like shit. Not in the sense that it's simply a bad sandwich. No. Literal. Shit.
You put down the sandwich and rush to her trashcan to immediately spit it out, scraping your tongue trying to get rid of every trace of the taste.
"Oh my God that's *pleh* that's awful! What the hell *blech* was in that, Liz?!"
"Last nights dinner, just like always. I think it's much better the second time around. Do you not like it?" She's saying this like it's the most normal thing in the world. "I mean, if you don't want it, more for me." She picks up the sandwich herself, takes a big bite out of it, and chews and swallows it up like it were any old sandwich. Within a few bites, her turd sandwich is gone, leaving a few bits of shit on her lips. You half vomit in the back of your mouth just watching.
"Oh my God, where is... Gimme that!" You rush over to her and grab the glass of apple juice next to her. You take a big swig of it to try to wash away the taste of shit. That's not apple juice, and you now realize that neither was the glass in the living room. It's straight piss. Liz's piss. You spit it back in the glass and return to the trashcan, expecting to vomit at any moment.
"Are you okay, Steven?" Liz asks. You feel her come up behind you and place a hand on your back. Even facing away from her, her breath reeks of shit. "You're acting weird."
"I'm acting weird?!" you say, turning around to face her. "Liz, you're sitting here eating a shit sandwich, drinking piss, and... and not wearing any pants!?" Your eyes drifted downward, and you see she is completely nude from the waist down, revealing the surprisingly well kept brown bush sitting just above her tight lower lips.
"We... barely ever wear pants around the house..." she says, a concerned look on her face. "Are you sick, bro? Something is really off about you today."
"Y-you're the sick one! Regular people don't eat poop, Liz! Dogs and koalas do, not people!"
"Well, of course regular people don't. We're probably the only ones who do. But it's not like people have a problem with it. We've always done this. Do you seriously not remember?"
You feel like you're going insane. You've never, ever eaten poop in your entire life. None of your family has. Now all of a sudden this is the family tradition? You wonder if this may be what that witch had in mind when she cursed your family.
You grab your sister's shoulders. "Liz. When have I ever, in my life, eaten shit?"
"Just yesterday, remember? You were chowing down on a gigantic dump from Mom. You looked so hungry, you were trying to suck the shit straight out of her asshole. You even licked her clean afterward."
"That never happened!" you exclaim.
"Sure it did," she says matter-of-factly. "I should know, since I was drinking dad's piss right beside you. His is always so tasty, and he'd been holding it in for like three days, so there was a ton in there." You can't believe what you're hearing. This has to be some sick joke or nightmare or something.
"Uhmm, I, uhh, I'm gonna use the bathroom," you say, scrambling for an excuse to get out of this situation.
"Ooh, can I come?" Liz asks excitedly, stopping you as you're about to go. You suddenly realize the implications of what you've said.
"N-no! Liz, I'm telling you, that's weird!"
"But what else are you gonna do with it?" she asks. "You're acting all crazy and don't like to eat this stuff anymore, so you might as well give it to me."
You don't want to listen to another word of Liz's lunacy. You rush out into the hall and into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind you.
"Awww, come on, bro!" you hear Liz whine through the door. "You haven't let me eat your poop in so long!"
"Liz you are not eating my poop!" you tell her. "That's gross and wrong and disgusting and... all that stuff! Now go away!"
"I'm not leaving until you come out and stop acting weird!" Damn. Well, while you did come in here to hide, and maybe throw up a little, you do actually have to take a shit. You sit yourself down on the bowl and do your business. "What does she even see in this stuff?" you ask yourself as a fat brown log exits your ass. "It comes out of peoples' asses; who in their right mind would eat it? If that witch really did curse them, she's got one fucked up mind."
You finish your shit, and there turns out to be quite a lot in the bowl. You almost feel bad for your crap crazed sister for not getting to taste it. Except, there's one problem... where's the flusher? There's no lever! This is barely a toilet, it's really just a bowl. Actually there's two problems, because there's no toilet paper either!
You hear Liz fiddling with the door handle from the other side. Suddenly the lock turns; seems she found the key.
"Aha! There we go!" she says triumphantly, marching her bottomless self into the bathroom. You cover yourself up, as you've neglected to pull your pants up just yet. Liz takes a look at your mess in the toilet. "Look at that! You really wanted to keep me from all that?! That's, like, breakfast and lunch in there!" She looks up at you for a moment. "Hmmm, but wait... maybe this is the way to fix you! Maybe you just have to eat a whole bunch of shit at once, and it'll jog your memory of how tasty it is! Oh, but it looks so good, I wanna eat it all myself!"
Liz seems conflicted about what to do with your pile of feces. What does she decide to do?   indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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