“Y’all’s gonna be working the glass tornado. You’re the one always complaining about being indoors all the time so you can make y’allself useful on the tropical part of the resort. Just try not to get flattened again.” I let out a sigh. “Yes, ma’am.” “If you don’t watch that attitude,” warns my colossal bovine boss. “I might demote you to seat cushion, you already have experience.” She couldn’t let me live anything down could she. Last month, the last time I was assigned to the glass tornado, a visiting ambassador, that is to say a 60’ tall cape buffalo woman, accidentally sat on me and I spent half the day plastered to her butt cheek. Since I took this stupid job, I’ve narrowly avoided being eaten and/or squashed by fat giantesses. Even Ms. Holmes nearly flattened me during my job interview.” The fact was that as a human, I was at the bottom of the pecking order around here.
At least I was working in the sun today. The great and powerful lardass I worked for didn’t specify what I was supposed to be doing so I just put on a tank top and bathing suit to head for the Glass Tornado. The Tornado was one of Gaia 2.0’s best features. It was a perfect simulated beach complete with palm trees, sand, a wave pool and even rocky mountains with water slides. I must admit it was impressive to be able to simulate a beach during the cold weather. As I walked by, I saw two anthros I recognized right away. The first was Garnet Rhodes, the pear-shaped swan who is one of the few sane people in this hotel. Of course, if her mother knew that I was friends with her I’d be in serious trouble. Sapphire was as big as a house and made her daughter’s pear-shape look nonexistent. She was also a horrifying bitch who hated humans. I heard a rumor that she’s only fond of roasted humans. What’s worse was that she was trying to pass on her worst traits to her daughter.
I also saw Gertrude Carmine speeding through the water. That killer whale lifeguard just didn’t know how to relax and was always on the lookout. She’s got the worst case of OCD I’ve ever seen. Not to mention as a literal whale, it was hard to believe that someone who had to weigh at least 10 tons and was as big as a building could be so fast and graceful.
I didn’t care what I was supposed to do around the Glass Tornado but there were two people I really hoped I didn’t see today; Kim and Olivia. Why is it that reptiles were so nasty. Alright, so what am I doing today?
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