Swizzle's motel has plans for you. Let the transformation begin! (Weight Gain and More) |
Chapter One: Road Trip! After slaving away for months at your respectably dead-end job you’ve finally made it to your long awaited vacation. Being a Hoosier is fine in July, January in Indiana is a slow painful death via cabin fever. Worse than the cold was your boy/girlfriend’s recent Christmas surprise kick to the curb; so, what was intended to be a romantic getaway to sunny Barbados, is now a solo affair. You cancelled your hotel reservations and ORD to JFK connecting flights after the breakup, but you’ll damned if you’ll lose that week of warmth. After work, you jump in your respectable car and get your respectable ass out of Dodge. One tank of gas, two Five Hour Energy drinks, and three (out of four) Twix later you finally run out of steam in BFE Pennsylvania. Only one more day of driving until wheels up and worries gone (at least until you get back). As you leave the toll road you scan the bleak mountain highway for signs of intelligent life – a Hampton Inn, heck, even a Motel 6 would do – but find nothing. You drive for a couple more winding miles, still nothing. Just as you slow to make a U-turn back to the main drag you see a light blinking in the not-so-distance. Oh, what the hell. Let’s be spontaneous you tell your too-respectable self. You drive toward the incandescent glow. The neon Vacancy sign blinks its welcome as you pull into what could be generously called a motel. A single line of 40 rooms stretches along the valley floor with “free parking” promoted on the establishment’s sign. The parking lot is empty as you pull in front of what looks like the main office, stretch your tired body and pull on the door which doesn’t budge. “Push!” You step back, surprised at the seemingly waiting voice inside. “You have to push.” You push, entering a strangely-appointed room. Circus posters, religious icons and various oddities filled the space. You peer around the shabby but obviously cared-for collection for a moment when a voice interrupts your gawking. “You need a room.” You look around a see a small desk in the corner. Seating behind it is undoubtedly the strangest looking man you’ve ever laid eyes on. He looks to be between four and five feet tall, but that’s not the strange part. Apart from seriously bad skin, his ears are pointed and his eyes are orange. Not hazel, orange. "Hello traveler. My name is Swizzle. You look like you could use a fresh start.” “Uhhhh, right. I saw your sign” you stammer. “Yes. She likes you.” “She?” “Yes.” “Ok. Well then, yes. I’d like a room.” You have a feeling that this night is going to be one of those you-won’t-believe-what-I-did-to-save-few-hundred-on-airfare adventures you tell your friends about for years to come. “You have no idea,” replied Swizzle with a curious smile. “What kind of room would you like? We have four kinds: |