Blaine was starting to get a weird vibe around Kurt. Recently it felt like there relationship was going a little...he didn't know, stiff or something. Kurt was his first boyfriend and he didn't have anything to compare too but he was beginning to get the impression that he and Kurt were drifting into that dreaded area known as the 'friend's zone' and he had no idea why. He was spending a lot of time with Rachel and had it not been for Kurt's rant about bisexuals and how it was just an excuse to get sex with everyone or something, he would have thought that Kurt was cheating on him with Rachel. Then again, Kurt might be, just not in the boyfriend way. They no longer had as much time together and when they did, Kurt seemed convinced that Blaine should always compliment him on everything, and complained when he didn't. He also complained when he did and Blaine was having trouble thinking of stuff to talk about that didn't have anything to do with show choir. So Blaine decided to ask the one person who knew more about relationships than anyone he knew. He went to Puck.
"Hi Puck," Blaine said and Puck looked up startled.
"Hey, uh, Blaine, what do you, um want?" Puck looked confused and Blaine didn't blame him. Outside of Glee club, Blaine didn't really associate with him. Actually, most people didn't which now that it was in his mind, was actually kind of sad. Blaine resolved to spend more time with the other members of Glee and not just Kurt but for now he had to ask.
"I got a question and I was curious, but...is Kurt still into me?" Puck looked a bit confused.
"Kurt? Are you guys having issues or something? As far as I can tell, he is still into you."
"Oh, because it might just be me but Kurt and I don't talk as much as we used to and he's always spending his time with Rachel and other people now. I just thought he might be losing interest or something." Puck looked Blaine over with a critical eye.
"You might be right about that. Has anyone told you you are a bit...bland?" Blaine was confused.
"Bland? What do you mean?"
"Well, Kurt is a girl-guy and therefore deep down has secret sexual fantasies with tall buff muscle dudes with or without long flowing hair. I'm sure you've had them." Blaine blinked.
"Um, no, not really. But that never really was my type." Puck nodded.
"Yeah. Your type is the young slender effeminate type, ie. Kurt. That's cool. But if you're right about Kurt becoming distant, he's probably finding himself no longer into you because you aren't a big macho male."
"But why would Kurt want that? He hates that," Blaine said really confused.
"One of the mysteries of the feminine mind is that they usually mean the opposite of what they say. When they say they're fine, it's usually that they're extremely pissed and will lash out the moment you do anything they view wrong. And Kurt is a female with a dick which is twice the trouble."
"So...what exactly are you saying?"
"Dude, you're puny and Kurt either subcomsciously or consciously realizes he needs a real man for complete satisfaction."
"You don't exactly hold back when dissing on someone do you?" Blaine muttered.
"Not at all."
"So um...what do I need to do?" Puck shrugged.
"You've got the personality, but you need the body to go along with it to win Kurt."
"So...I need to get buff?"
"Yes and no. Kurt seems to like guys with a bit of a gut as well."
"Huh?"
"He used to have a crush on Finn." Blaine thought about it.
"That's weird, they're step-brothers." Puck shrugged.
"It was freshman year and it was before Burt married Carole."
"Kay, so you're saying I need to get buff...and a gut? Are you sure?" Puck shrugged. "He didn't want a ride on the Puckerone and a little twink like him surely should have at least some sexual interest and he was interested in Finn. Ergo, Kurt is kinky and secretly digs big manly men with a belly like Dave Karofsky. The pieces all fit."
"Totally crude and unnecessary with detail but you actually make sense and it would explain why Kurt is starting to no longer be attracted to me. Thanks for the advice,"
"Your welcome," Puck said. Puck got up and started to leave before Blaine thought of something else.
"Hey, uh, this is awkward but uh, perhaps you can help me? Become a man and all I mean."
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