To-do list for tonight: study for tomorrow’s calculus test, take some vitamins before going to bed, and survive a three-on-one assault by a trio of would-be female muggers who are individually armed and dangerous but as a collective a force to be reckoned with.
So yeah, pretty bad odds.
For them at least.
The diamond-shaped slits on your cowl narrowed in concentration as you sized up all three of your feminine combatants, who sneered in you in turn. Your outfit was a sleek black bodysuit that covered you from head to toe, with your chestplate reinforced with Kevlar to endure some light gunfire. A brown utility belt containing all of your gadgets fitted around your waist, with each leather pouch containing a solution for nearly every problem. And even though your boots, cowl and gauntlets were custom-made to evoke the aesthetic design of a certain caped crusader from Gotham City, the emblem of a crimson red J emblazoned on your chestplate was enough to convey to friends and foes alike that you were your own hero.
Now however, it was time to prove why exactly you were one.
In response to the statuesque brunette mocking your previous taunt, you quickly reassumed a heroic stance and injected a much needed dosage of confidence and authority into your previously rattled tone.
Sizing up her leering yet voluptuous form, you couldn’t help but notice that besides the black garb that all three of them wore the brunette sported a pair of stylish spiked open-toed heels.
You had to question the practicality of her conspicuous footwear especially when her two flunkies both wore boots, but the trivial thought quickly dissipated as you addressed her first.
“Call me what you want, but if you don’t cease and desist immediately you won’t have a lot to laugh at while spending some time in the county jail. After all, talk is cheap. Just like you three bimbos,” you declared confidently, immediately earning the ire of the three.
“Punta, what you just call me?” the Latina criminal snarled angrily, brandishing her baton for emphasis.
“Awwww, ain’t that just adorable?” the redhead mocked in an infantilizing tone. “Virgin Mary over here thinks all because he dresses like a superhero that he can fight like one too.”
The still sneering brunette merely cracked her neck while twirling around her switchblade. “Too bad. He’s about to die like a little bitch.”
And with that, she charged towards you with her knife raised leaving you precious little reaction time to formulate some kind of counterattack. As her long legs easily closed in the gap between you and the women, you quickly factored in her height advantage before deducing
“Hah!” Her cry was punctuated by the knife slashing through the air and towards your spandex-lined neck. It was only by sheer instinct that you were able to evade the blade’s jagged kiss, before also skipping back as she slashed at you yet again.
“Come here you little…” Her swings became more and more unfocused as you ducked her barrage of slashes and stabs, inevitably providing the ideal window for you to execute your countermove.
As her blade curved through the air for the upteempth time and missed your cowl, you quickly ducked and weaved underneath her outstretched armpit to reemerge at her left.
The brunette’s determined scowl was immediately replaced by a confused expression as you took off in her periphery, prompting her to stop mid-slash just like you had hoped.
Taking a page out of some old kung fu movies that you idolized growing up, you ran up the brick wall with the toe of each boot digging into the grooves and crevices of the surface to gain some momentum.
A split second later, you kicked off of the wall with your torso now level with her face before twisting your body in mid-air into a downward punching position.
SMACK! Your improvised aerial Superman punch definitely hit its mark, striking the brunette square in the nose and sending her crumbling to the ground in an unconscious and barely stirring heap.
As the switchblade rolled out of her reach, you casually turned towards her partners in crime.
“Anyone else?” you spoke calmly, beckoning them both forward with just your confidence.
Predictably, they both got over their initial surprised stupor and charged at you in tandem.
Your eyes darted between both of their impending forms, before honing in on the Hispanic thug who was closer.
Dashing towards her as she hefted the police baton, you instinctively ducked as she swung a home run into the empty air that your head occupied a moment earlier.
You then delivered a strong right cross to the petite redhead’s face as she started to lunge at you with the taser. Feeling her cheekbone give away against your gloved fist, you looked on as she tumbled unceremoniously into a couple of overturned trash cans before craning your neck backwards towards the baton-wielding woman.
Skipping back towards her by moving your back leg in front of your bent front leg, you launched your right leg up into the air and connected with a swift side kick to her sternum.
As she immediately clutched her bruised midsection with knees threatening to buckle, you relaxed your stance briefly as she angrily cursed out in Spanish while fighting the urge to dry heave.
Smirking inwardly at her doubled over state, you turned on your heel towards the other woman only to have your bell rung, literally.
CLANG!
Though you thought yourself ready for anything, nothing could’ve prepared you for two flimsy yet firm trash lids colliding against both of your eardrums in unison.
The cacophonous explosion of sound rattled you instantly, the piercing noise pounding in your ears even seconds after the initial crackling impact.
Wincing heavily while still suffering the effects of the redhead’s desperation move, you blindly stumbled backwards as the petite young woman threw away the twin pair of circular objects before cracking her patented taser to life.
As if on cue, the heavyset woman from behind suddenly shook off her grogginess and wrapped her baton around your unprotected throat.
“Aaargghh…” As soon as you felt the hard metal coil around your throat, you immediately thrashed and writhed against her vice grip but it was increasingly difficult to break free with the Latina’s sizable forearm also constricted around your throat.
Matters were only made worse when the redhead staggered towards you with the taser in one hand.
“Hold ‘em steady. I’m gonna make this real slow,” she sneered, her words almost slurring together due to her bloody mouth.
“You hear that, bitch?” the Latina hissed into your ear in a mocking tone. “We’re gonna make you squeal like a little-”
Not even letting her finish her sentence, you reared your head backwards and caught her in the lip with a well-placed headbutt.
As her grip over you loosened up, you grabbed onto her wrist and shook off any remaining cobwebs as the redhead jabbed at you with the taser in hand.
Bending your knees while dragging the larger woman’s bulky physique over you as an impromptu shield, you gritted your teeth as the forked ends of the taser impacted bare skin.
“Aaaahhhh!”
The Latina’s face immediately lit up in excruciating pain as the electrical discharges coursed through her unsuspecting body courtesy of the taser impacting just under her armpit.
Breaking out into bouts of convulsing and shaking violently as the discharges continued to build up in waves of searing pain, she let out one last guttural cry before growing limp while still being slung over your shoulder.
The moment you felt the Latina’s body weight begin to shift towards the ground, you sprang back up and easily knocked her taser hand awry while she remained frozen by what she had inadvertently just done.
Quickly grabbing her by the neck with both hands, you unapologetically lifted up your front leg and smashed her face against your knee. Almost instantly she flopped back down to the ground as crimson red spewed from her nose.
With the redhead staring blankly into the moonlit sky with blood trickling down her face, you turned your attentions to the groggy but still standing Latina who had been leaning against your shoulder for support.
Before she could regain her bearings, you stretched out your right forearm before snapping your elbow directly backwards into her face.
Standing straight for only a moment, her knees quickly buckled prompting her inevitable plummet to the pavement as well.
As the Latina collapsed to the ground, you took a much-needed breath before looking around and simply surveying the three female bodies left in your wake sprawled out in the alleyway.
It was definitely a sight to take in what you just accomplished, successfully taking out a ruthless gang of muggers who by sheer numbers had the upper hand, at least initially.
Then again, you also knew that had just one of them managed to surprise you, you would’ve undoubtedly been overwhelmed, perhaps beaten beyond recognition and ultimately left at their mercy.
After taking a moment longer to fully regain your bearings, you then unclipped one of your pouches.
Five minutes later, sirens screamed from the entrance of the alleyway as a pair of police cars pulled up next to the sidewalk.
The police officers who exited their vehicles on behalf of an anonymous tip quickly had their suspicions confirmed as they turned on their flashlights and came upon the trio of groaning muggers bound together by a metallic circle of cable while sitting cross-legged in a groggy huddle.
Perched atop an overlooking rooftop, you couldn’t help but beam proudly as the police assessed your handiwork before taking off in the opposite direction with a running start and disappearing into the night to search for new menaces to vanquish.
The girl gang were only the first to be defeated by yours truly, but they won’t be the only criminals to occupy a jail cell tonight.
After all, justice never sleeps and neither do you.
Who’s next?
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