You felt rather too exposed to risk the beach... At least initially. The relative privacy, and quieter atmosphere of the pool seemed like the place to dip your toes in the water as a woman.
The swimsuit stubbornly refused to cover any more of your bust, despite the repeated attempts to pull it higher. Cautiously, you emerge from the interior of the hotel into the Sun.
It feels like every eye is on you. That everyone knows you're a man in the wrong body. Every window filled with a lecher. Your body doesn't help, as it feels like every step causes some part of you to jiggle in an eye-catching manner.
Steeling your nerves, you walk as proudly and calmly as you can to a sun-lounger. You want to project confidence to feel confidence.
Settling back, it's an effort to close your eyes against the Sun. It all feels incredibly exposed. The sunshade stops the worst of the brightness, but it just feels wrong.
Too many guilty memories of ogling the sleeping sunbathers as a man. Judging their looks on a scale of 1-10, and imagining the noises they'll make once you nail them. Your muscles too tense, the fantasy/nightmare too real. Eyes snapping open, you hunt for the men ogling you. Judging your looks, and how you fill a swimsuit.
It's a matter of pride, that you force yourself to stay there. You refuse to retreat to your room, the privacy, the peace, the safety.
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