I managed to finish the second cake but sheer effort of will. My stomach felt like I'd swallowed a bolwing ball; I undid the button on my jeans and kept going, but I was only halfway through cake number 3 when –
"Yes!" said Dmitri. I looked up to see him lean back, his face smeared with chocolate, and punch the air. He lifted up his tshirt and patted his big, round paunch, making it jiggle. "I win!"
"No duh," i said, putting down my fork in defeat. "You're like the size of a hippo."
"And don't you forget it," he said, grinning. "Still, you did pretty well." He looked at my half a cake. "You gonna eat that?"
In the end we shared it, watching movies on the plasma TV in the bedroom until early in the morning. I slept on the big, comfy sofa that was also in the bedroom, and when we woke up we went out for breakfast. "Trust me," said Dmitri, "you don't wanna stick around here in the mornings. Muesli, if you're lucky. Let's go to Mimi's."
Mimi's was great for breakfast because there was a pancake special. Dmitri and I were greeted by the waitress, a buxom girl named Allie with flaming red hair tied up in a ponytail. "What'll it be today?" she asked as we settled into a table by the window.
"Two stacks of blueberry pancakes and two of banana," said Dmitri, "and black tea. What do you want, Conrad?"
"Um," I said, thinking. "Uh – the same." Dmitri and Allie both looked at me. "I'm hungry, is all," I told them, grinning. This time, I was determined, I wasn't going to let Dmitri beat me.
"Okay," said Allie, taking it down. "Coming right up. God, I love guys with big appetites." She winked and walked off, and we both watched her go, hypnotised by her round, ample ass swaying as she crossed the café.
"I'd hit that," said Dmitri when she was out of earshot.
"Oh, delightful," I said, though I had to admit she was utterly gorgeous.
When Allie brought us our food I dug in straight away, reducing my first two stacks to syrupy crumbs in record time. But once more, Dmitri had the staying power, and as I was toying exhaustedly with the whipped cream on top of my final stack, he had finished, and was wiping his mouth with an air of victory. "Oh, yeah," he said, stifling a belch. "That's the good stuff."
Allie came back over with the bill, and saw what short work we had made of our breakfast. "Wow, you guys must've been hungry!" she said, smiling. "I'm surprised you two are here and not over at Dee's."
"Why, what's going on there?" I asked.
"They've got this promotion on. If you eat everything on their menu today, you eat there free for a year!"
"Are you serious?" said Dmitri.
"Yeah, but have you seen the size of their portions? And there's a huge menu. Nobody could manage that, not even given a whole day." Allie eyed Dmitri's empy plates, and gave him a coy smile. "But if anyone can manage it, it's probably you."
"What do you say, Con?" asked Dmitri. "Another rematch – winner takes all?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dee's was further out of town, so we walked there at a leisurely pace. I was really full, but I couldn't have let him show me up in front of Allie like that. Maybe, if she found out I'd beat him...
When we showed up, the place was pretty busy with people, many of them sitting at plate-covered tables being cheered on by spectators. "Hi," Dmitri said to the waiter, a skinny blond guy, "we're here for the menu challenge?"
"Ooh – sorry, guys, you're kinda late," he said. "We opened at eight, you kinda need the whole day if you're gonna have a chance."
"Well, we'll see about that," said Dmitri, not taking the wide, amiable smile from his face. The guy held his gaze for a moment, then shrugged.
"Hey, dude, it's your coronary. Just remember, if you don't finish, you have to pay for it all." He led us to a table in the middle of the restaurant. On one side of us was a big-bellied guy being cheered on by a crowd of friends, on the other, two girls, both plump, one with pink hair and glasses, the other with straight brown hair and a wide ass that spilled over both sides of her chair. They seemed, though fairly quietly, to be working their way through the menu as well.
Dmitri began with a bacon cheeseburger, but I decided to work through the menu systematically, so I started with another breakfast, bacon, eggs and sausage. We also had to drink everything on the menu during the day, so I started with a vanilla milkshake, in case I was too full to look at one without throwing up later on.
There were exactly fifty items on the menu, not including drinks and sides, so that meant for us a little over four meals an hour. To stay in the game, we had to finish each plateful within seven minutes. I had learned my lesson, and tried to match Dmitri's steady pace. As I worked my way down the menu, he just ate whatever caught his eye. I managed the breakfasts pretty easily, and was feeling good about my progress by 1:30pm, as I started on my first hot dog. However, I had been looking round at the other patrons as I ate, and had been wondering something. Between bites I said, "Hey, Dmitri?"
"Yeafh?" he said through a mouthful of Philly cheesesteak.
I leaned forward. "How come there are so many – well – fat people in Hesper?"
"It's got to be the food," he said, cleaning his plate with a final scrape of his fork and waving over the waiter. "Time for a hot fudge sundae now, I think. Course thirteen."
I was only on eleven, so I dug back in, but I had never noticed before today just how many people in town were overweight. Not often as much as Dmitri, but there were loads of kids at our school who were chunkier than the norm, and the Hesper girls I drooled over – Allie, for instance – tended to have abundant curves in all the right places. I had unbuttoned my jeans again, and looked down at the swollen belly poking out of them; I was going to be joining the ranks of my town's portly population pretty soon, by the looks of things.
By 6pm, the party atmosphere had died down. Many people had given up and paid their hefty bills; even the guy next to us had headed on home to his indigestion tablets. I was still hanging in there, had even erased most of Dmitri's lead; I was on my 28th course, he his 29th. The girls next to us, I had overheard, were on 31 – they might even make it. Just as I started my banana split, Allie came in, having changed out of her waitress uniform. She waved at us as she came over.
"Hey guys!" she said. "Still going strong, I see! Have you met my friends Krystal and Gwen?" She drew up a chair at the table of the girls next to us. We all said a brief hello and continued eating, while Allie ordered a basket of fries to snack from.
It spurred me on no end having her there, and by ten thirty I was ready to order my final course: a slab of New York cheesecake. Dmitri, still eating his chili con carne, looked up in alarm. I looked down at my stomach, full and tight and pale, resting on my thighs, my t-shirt having ridden up and exposed my belly button. The waiter brought the cheesecake and I ate it slowly, methodically, and when I swallowed the last mouthful the clock in the cafe read 10:47. I had done it: eaten the enitre menu.
The manager came over, mopping his brow with a handkerchief. "This is unbelievable!" he said. "This has never happened before – I – well. I have no choice but to award you the prize – unlimited free food here for one calendar year."
"Thanks," I said sleepily, cradling my unbelievably stuffed belly. The cafe was almost empty now; just me, Dmitri, the girls and a few random stragglers who'd stayed around to watch. Dmitri, who had neglected the breakfast section until late in the day, wasn't getting through his pancakes very quickly, and as time went on it seemed unlikely he'd finish. Crystal and Gwen were on their last plates, but as the clock inched closer to 11 they got slower and slower and when the bell went to indicate that time was up, I remained the only contestant who had done it. I had won.
The waiter had called me a cab, so I heaved myself to my feet and began to make my way to the door. As I did so, however, I was stopped –
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