Let's Write A Country Song!

I blamed the dog, he's always been pranky (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

But then I noticed a rose-scented hanky. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

One thing about Noser - he does not like flowers (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Except as recipients of his golden showers (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

So who owned the hanky? Because they burned the tail! (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

The answer was obvious when I read through my mail. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

The answer was in a letter I got from a guy in Frisco (Dad )

You remember Garry? He usta own a disco (Dad )

It was on the corner of Fourth and Vine (Dad )

Next door was a cafe that served a good wine. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

They called the place Tater which might seem weird (CopyPaper )

Until you noticed the owner's beard (CopyPaper )

Her name was Taylor and she was short, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

Dwarfly proportions, but her mom didn't abort, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

But unlike the singer, Taylor wasn't so swift, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

A mashed-potato beard provided her lift. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

And she was the one that burned my cat's tail, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

The paper in her letter had a potatoey smay-ull. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

She apologized and swore an accident, it was (Dad )

She never intended to hurt the cat becuz (Dad )

he was the best mouser the world ever knew (Dad )

but without his tail for balance, the cat is screw - ed (Dad )

The cat's name was Herman and though his tail was burnt, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

He fetched my paper every day, and told me events curr'nt. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

Herman was a whiz at crossword and sudoku (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

He liked to eat sushi and practice his Kung Fu (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

He knew the capitals of every nation in the world (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Which parks had pigeons and which parks had squirrels (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

But he couldn't tell be bacause he couldn't speak (Dad )

He wasn't mute, no, he was just too meek (Dad )

He didn't mind me looking over his shoulder (CopyPaper )

But it wasn't because he was getting older (CopyPaper )

And his burnt-off tail was beginning to rot (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

And it started to smell, a hell of a lot! (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

But Herman didn't smell it because his nose still had a clog (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

From when he tried to smell a hypnotoad in an LSD bog. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Herman finally met a female feline one day (CopyPaper )

And can you believe it? It occured on a Monday (CopyPaper )

Her name was Tanesha, she was named for her owner (CopyPaper )

A very nasty man who always had a boner. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

He wasn't any good at naming cats or titling a poem (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

But he had a neighbor, Barbara, who often did it for him. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

So she named the cat Tanesha who would become old Herman's mate (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

In fact, it was Barbara who arranged their first date. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Herman and Tanesha, in the alley eating spaghetti (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Very Disneyesque, but they both were hot and ready. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Later they woke the neighbors with their ardent caterwauling, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

And in 66 days, five kittens were born, as a result of their balling. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

Herman and Tanesha then went their separate ways (CopyPaper )

Her tail was soon burned off in an accidental blaze (CopyPaper )

Tanesha was glad he left, she felt lucky (Dad )

"Except for the kittens, I'm sorry I let him ... eat spaghettti with me" (Dad )

Tanesha raised the kitttens to be independent, brave, and bold (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Their story is inspiring and one day will be told. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Meanwhile poor old Herman has to live with boner man (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Drinking water from the faucet, eating supper from a tuna can. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

While Tanesha lives with Barbara and always has fresh fish (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Served with a side of catnip on her very own special dish. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

This song seems to have run its course, so let's start a new one. It's December, so let's write a country Christmas song. (Dad )

'Tis the season to be crabby (Dad )

Doesn't matter if you're thin or flabby (Dad )

You can be fat or you can be thin (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Just pay attention to what season we're in. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

It's Chrristmas! The birth of our Lord! (Dad )

We celebrate by driving like nuts in our rusty ol' Ford (Dad )

Last night I put up my tree, on top I stuck a fairy (deemac )

She ed and said, "Your hands are cold", which I found kinda scary (deemac )

The stockings I hung by the chimney with care (Dad )

In hopes the St. Nicholas won't ask me to play "Truth or Dare" (Dad )

Last year he took all my cookies and milk (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

And told me my skin was "soft as silk" (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Vodka in the milk and Exlax in the cookies this year (Dad )

And what to HIS wondering eyes shall appear! (Dad )

A giant toy workshop with raw materials and elves (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Who work through the year to fill up its shelves. (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Went out to his truck and noticed signs of Spring...March caught up with him again! (Maryann )

All the snow had melted, thus, Santa had to take the bus (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

"Give me a ticket to Reno," he told the bus driver, while tossing him a cheerful smile and a fiver (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

At the wedding chapel, a nun wearing a habit (Dad )

married St. Nick to Jessica Rabbit (Dad )

Now, if the name Jessica Rabbit Claus (Dad )

ain't 'nuff to give us to pause (Dad )

Said Nick, "You Jessica, I adore" 'n' / They bought a house in Buffet Warren (deemac )

Eventually Jess and Nick had three kids (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

But then Santa's sleigh hit he skids (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

The elves were enraged by low minimum wage (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

the cash the got warn't green, but beige! (Dad )

"These bills are rotten!" the elves complain (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Then Global Warming turns the snow to rain! (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

The rain came down so hard one day (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

It worshed away poor Santa's sleigh (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

And that was the end of Santa's tedious North Pole life (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Now he had Kansas and Jessica Rabbit for a wife (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

Therein ends our sordid tale/of cartoon characters and bearded males. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

Time for a new song! Spring has sprung, and so's my toe, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

I went toe first in a gopher hole (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

I must remember: heel then sole! (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

"What time is it?" snapped the gopher / I said, "What ya wanna know fer?" (deemac )

"I think I'm running late," said the gopher with a frown (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

So I gave the pesky rodent a little ride downtown (Steev the Friction Wizurd )

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