Writing Hurts: Review Forum

Are You Sleeping?  (18+) Would-be actor John O'Malley is resigned to his farming life in the Ozarks. #2335900 by Conrad Moriarty

Hi edgework, thank you for considering reviewing my work. This is my first short story submission to the site. The work was my second attempt at a story. So, I know it's shoddy. Maybe it needs substantial work. I'm concerned with plot, narration, structure, language choice, the conclusion, and my ambition. Is there enough happening here? Can you identify a conflict, rising action, resolution? Are we inside John's head to an excess? Is the reading offensive? These are who the characters are - they don't reflect me. A pretentious work? Is it reaching too hard? And from a positive point of view, is it at least remotely enjoyable or perhaps humorous at times?

Thank you kindly,
Conrad