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| So, I'm just working on some 'Show Don't Tell' as you can tell by the title. Here is the short piece : ------------------------------------------- START ----------------------------------------- “Here !” she waved it like a banner: a velvet-soft, fragrant tissue that caressed my cheeks with each pass. ”Take it!” she insisted; therefore, I had to comply. Afterward, I picked up a small, square box wrapped in red with a yellow ribbon and bow. Since I intended to open it elegantly, I began picking squirrelly at one corner. However, because of their annoying stares, I thought I was fumbling, and my palms were sweaty. Ultimately, I abandoned any classy or dignified method and ripped into it; the red wrapping fluttered to the floor. “It’s a necklace.” disappointed I mumbled. Snap! Snap! Her anxious finger-snaps followed by her open hand. Impatiently, she’s waiting. Again, I complied. I placed the necklace in her hand; immediately, like a jeweler, she looked at it for a brief moment before she voiced her opinion. “It’s St. Joseph, the patron saint.” Our eyes met, and I shuddered at her commanding – unforgiving stare. “Just be certain that you always wear this; he’ll watch over you, Bobby!” “Yes, ma’am.” I squeaked. Straightaway, I placed it around my neck. ----------------------------------------- END ----------------------------------------------------- My question is with the First Line Of Paragraph Three Snap ! Snap ! Her anxious finger-snaps were followed by her open hand. Impatiently, she’s waiting. It just feels like I'm telling and not showing. I am trying to describe a woman snapping her fingers in his face. This is to imply that she wants him to hand over the necklace for her to observe closely. Is there a better way to describe her doing this action but not telling ? |
Looks like an interesting start.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/alockwood1 | ||||||||||
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