October Novel Prep Challenge

Hello, Everyone.

I'm needing some feedback, regarding my first contest challenge post of this year's Prep, which I wrote, but I did not properly post in order to be entered into the contest. Sadly, I still forget how to do that right.

"Azul's Peaceful Afternoon" 

This is a back-story scene from my main character's early life in which I wish to establish, who she is as an individual and why. Amazingly, this is based on a real-life incident of a family member, who was gifted in self-defense, using China Berries.

I guess having older brothers is a blessing when they're on your side.

My wife read it, and said, that it was more readable than previous things I've written. This is a good thing because she's sort of my personal standard. She's always in the process of reading a novel. Therefore, when she gives me good marks, I begin to feel like I'm becoming a novelist, too.

I just need a little feedback to see, if my prose writing/storytelling is becoming story showing, and that it is starting to click in some regards.

Thanks in advance. I respect your insights.

Sincerely,

Jay O'Toole