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by Seuzz Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ · Message Forum · Fantasy · #2180090
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Nov 6, 2020 at 9:52pm
#3383627
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A Warn...
by Nostrum Author IconMail Icon
[...] I guess it might come across that Will is laughing at the end of the chapter because he's doing it for his own amusement. That wasn't my intention. I was aiming more for a "It worked!" sort of laugh.


That's the point. It's not the laughter; it's the act itself. I mean...sure, the actions are villainous, but the end result falls flat. The reason I don't find it dark is because, being a journey of discovery, it seems more like a prank he's pulling than something truly evil.

Consider this. Note that I'm being absurdly dark on this one. Be forewarned.

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Let's start with the beginning. Will takes the identity of the girl (Charlotte, right?), as a means to his plan; to get close to Breeanna. He gets to the concert, and as intended, he moves behind, taking a side tour to take over Marjory. The plan happens exactly as you wrote it, except on the very moment where Breeanna gets guided into doing the concert, while wearing the mask with the sigil that allows sending thoughts. Even if it's using her own "mind voice", there's a reason why I consider it petty. She runs away.

That is the act of someone amoral, and I comprehend that's the intention behind what Will's becoming right now - a person whose morals have eroded because of circumstances (i.e., the feeling of betrayal from the Stellae). Amorality, however, doesn't necessarily always involve evil, and not the kind of evil that this story is supposed to be leading to.

Here's the specific part where I take this so, so dark, that it's just disgusting. Breeanna is right in front of five thousand of her admirers. She says "I can't do this", and pushed by Will, she takes a gun and offs herself. Right in front of her admirers. And since Will can imitate the emotions of people rather easily, he can act as if he was genuinely worried, when he isn't - it's a means to a cause, for him. And what's the cause?

Simply to send a message. Prove the Stellae, and Fane, that he's a force to be reckoned. No one saw him, no one knew what he was about to do, and no one will suspect what he'll do next. That leads straight to the "A Nightmarish Future" scenario, setting Will as someone not just amoral, but so off the deep end that mercy is just too good for him; that the banks of the Acheron might be beyond saving him.

That's the kind of "dark" I'm imagining - someone capable of proving they have no chance for redemption. Since I haven't seen your endgame, I can't predict if there's something as dark (Will's stint in Cabinda, where he basically tricks Rick, draws this close, but it leads to this story, where Will seems less evil than what he did before, when the idea is to show Will growing progressively more evil than before), but it's not something that would make me puke. At best, it deserves a "Gibbs' slap" - a good smack on his head and the words "stop being a moron" in complete seriousness.

So yeah; that's why I don't feel as disgusted by the story. Doesn't mean it's bad; quite the contrary, the plan is very well executed, and since it's meant to show how Will's going off the deep end and refusing to turn back (and for a reason that, quite frankly, it's rather stupid of his part), it fulfills what it intends to do. It's just that I got sold something that ended up falling short of what I was being told to (that being "something so dark it's disgusting"). Do note that I draw the line at mind control, since it represents the end of a person's self, so it should be disgusting to the point it makes me angry, but it didn't. But again; I haven't seen your endgame, and perhaps the next chapters will set him off into a character I really hate. But it's a long way ahead, since that means Will has to be worse than Fane - and there's a reason why I hate Fane with the anger of a thousand suns.
MESSAGE THREAD
In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A Warning Is Issued · 11-02-20 1:00pm
by imaj Author IconMail Icon
Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A Warning Is Issued · 11-05-20 2:07am
by Nostrum Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A Warning Is Issued · 11-05-20 2:26am
by A Non-Existent User
Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A Warning Is Issued · 11-05-20 1:38pm
by imaj Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A Warning Is I... · 11-05-20 3:18pm
by A Non-Existent User
Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A Warning Is I... · 11-05-20 9:05pm
by Nostrum Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A Warning ... · 11-06-20 4:42am
by A Non-Existent User
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A Warn... · 11-06-20 9:34pm
by Nostrum Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A Warning ... · 11-06-20 11:37am
by imaj Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A Warn... · 11-06-20 11:45am
by A Non-Existent User
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A ... · 11-06-20 1:07pm
by imaj Author IconMail Icon
*Star* Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A Warn... · 11-06-20 9:52pm
by Nostrum Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung & A ... · 11-07-20 9:27am
by imaj Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung ... · 11-07-20 6:09pm
by Seuzz Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is H... · 11-07-20 9:00pm
by Nostrum Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is Hung ... · 11-08-20 11:23am
by A Non-Existent User
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: In Which A Lampshade Is H... · 11-09-20 12:50pm
by imaj Author IconMail Icon

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