Perfectly understandable everything that you feel, Jay O'Toole. It is, at least, understandable by people who had been through this kind of things in life, through the loss of a parent(s) or anyone who lost dearest people in their life. I hope that when you feel like talking about it with friends here or there that you have those who will be patient with you in your time of need. It is true what Rachel and Winnie said, grief never leaves one human's body. They said that grief is just love with no place to go so don't try to make it go away and don't feel like you need to excuse yourself to anyone for how you feel about it. Just feel whatever you feel. I also lost my father on Christmas 2015 to cancer and I still can't get over loss. One day I'm mad at the whole world for no specific reason, the other day I cry washing the dishes, some days I don't feel anything at all while the others I need to convince myself to get out of bed for few hours. Life is beautiful though, you know it is. Hold onto those who will show you beauty of your being even when you're raging inside. Everyone else can leave.
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