Reviews by Ledan Dark

I've been working on this book and I'm looking for reviews. I'm somewhat near the beginning of the revising process. please read, review and enjoy. Thank you.



Chapter One
Beginnings
Judis looked around nervously, getting chills up her back every time a bush would rustle from the unsettling wind that shifted through the mountain’s thick surface. She tried to forge forward only to be stopped by a terrifying feeling of menacing eyes digging into her like daggers. Her fear only grew once she realized the others had gone ahead without her. She didn’t even want to go up the mountain. Her parents had told her the horrors of what happened at the Spring Festival twenty years ago and that monster was only six years old then.
“Hey, Judis. You keeping up or did you chicken out?” A voice called as laughter followed. With pride replacing her fear, Judis marched forward toward the taunting voices. Not far off was a small field amidst the dark trees. There was a large enough opening in the branches to let in bright sunlight, illuminating the small field where her friends waited for her.
“So you’re not a baby after all…” John, who was a boy with a lean build and devilish tan eyes, laughed. “You can still go back if you want. This is the mountain that the monstrous sorcerer lives on. He probably got even scarier after killing a man and fleeing up the mountain. I hear he’s been attacking the travelers that are dumb enough to climb the mountain since.”
“You’re making him sound like a villain, he didn’t really kill a man when he was only six, did he? I mean that isn’t possible, right?” Kim, who was a girl from a village farther north of Roxbury, questioned.
“He definitely did. My dad was our age when it happened. He says that he even saw the sorcerer kill him in cold blood. He shot him into the air and that was it, the guy was dead.”
“As exaggerated as it sounds, John is right, my mom told me the same thing.”
Kim swallowed hard before she tried to say anything more. In her village, there had been stories about another nefarious sorcerer in Roxbury, but she never believed them. Who would believe that a six-year-old could kill a full-grown man?
“D-do you think he’ll kill us too?” Kim stuttered, cautiously looking back over her shoulder in case someone was there.
“Ha, so now you’re scared? Does the baby want to go home?”
“N-no, I’m not scared of some old sorcerer!”
“Oh? That’s such a shame, I’d be scared if I were you,” a chilling voice declared. Everyone jumped when they saw a lean man dressed in a slightly stained, white tunic with a simple pair of brown trousers and a long, black scarf reaching his knees despite it being wrapped around his neck twice, casually walk out of the shadows of the dense forest. He had a full pack on his back that looked like it might explode if it wasn’t handled properly. He had a dissatisfied expression glued to his face and long chestnut hair that cupped his thin jaw line. His skin seemed to have a honey gold tint to it. Forest green eyes stood out like fine jewels above dark bags that made him look as if he hadn’t had any sleep in years. The group flinched when he lifted his hand and small, purple flames jumped from his palm. The flames seemed to dance across his hand as if they had a life of their own.
“I believe this is when you children go crying back to your mothers.” He said as a sickening smile crept to his face, “Or would you three like to find out what happen to the man twenty years ago?”
The three scrabble away as fast as they could. Their terrified screams echo through the mountain as they ran home.
“You know, Gayle, you're no fun. Those three looked like a tasty snack,” a sly voice sighed. A snake-like creature covered in dark gray scales came out from the opposite side of the small field where Gayle stood with his normal displeased face back. Two sharp fangs, about as long as Gayle’s hand extended from its mouth. A long neck stretched out from its small body. Four short legs with sharp claws on each made it stand just as tall as Gayle. A tail whipped behind the creature as it expressed its displeasure. “You say you hate humans, yet you interrupt me when I wish to make a snack of some young ones. It's very rude to interrupt like this.”
“I never said you couldn't chase after them; I simply didn't want those buffoons to get any closer to my house. There may be the barrier I put up around the cabin, but it’s a fragile spell. If one of them touched the barrier, it would have dispelled. I can’t have humans that close to my home. I hate them, they're deceitful beings that only seek to satisfy their greed and desire the destruction of those around them that they despise. I don’t want them around me just as much as they don’t want me around.” Gayle explained bluntly as he continued up the mountain. “Although, if I were you, I’d hurry after them before they reach the barrier at the base. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the clans prohibit anyone from leaving the mountain, well, excluding me of course. Then again, that’s just my opinion, what you do is your choice, Celia. I have no control over you.”
Celia hissed with self-loathing, realizing she could have done as she pleased had she not followed after Gayle. “You really are unpleasant company; I honestly don’t know why I acquaint myself with you.”
“You and me both. Just because the clans basically raised me, doesn’t mean you have to be my ‘friend’ and follow me around all the time. I’m sure you have better things to do with your time.”
“Says the one who followed me around like a baby duckling until he was fourteen.”
“W-well that was a long time ago,” Gayle coughed trying to hide his embarrassment from the childish memories that floated to mind.
“Embarrassed now, aren’t we?” Celia laughed. “Well, anyway, you owe me a meal later since you ruined this one of mine.”
“I won’t cook a human for you just so you know,”
“Yes, yes I know that, I just want some of your cooking, it’s surprisingly good for a sorcerer. I have to get back soon, or else everyone gets all panicked because I’m gone and you know how that can be. See you tomorrow for breakfast Gayle.”
“See you tomorrow,” Gayle said, almost with a sigh. It wasn’t much longer before he reached the cozy cabin that he had called home since the start of his lonely life. “Home sweet home.” Gayle still remembered the events that had led him to his beautiful isolation.

Spring had just begun to settle in the mountain valley of Roxbury. Everyone was buzzing about the spring festival that would take place in the coming days, even young Gayle. His parents, both of whom were powerful sorcerers, were against him joining the townspeople in the celebration. His parents told him that the townspeople would never accept him because he was ‘special’, but that didn’t stop Gayle.
The night of the festival, Gayle snuck out and went into Roxbury. All the beautifully colored lanterns that hung outside every shop and house dazzled him as he looked around. The streets were full of rejoicing men, women, and children dancing to the energetic melodies that seemed to bring the town, even the dull buildings, to life. Several people wore flashy silks and acted out Roxbury’s history with small crowds around them. Small trinkets at the different stalls that were set up in the streets whizzed and whirled around him. Gayle passed a stall full of all kinds of candies. One candy was set away from the rest. It had a white flower design on top of a blue candy piece; it was simple compared to the rest. The man behind the stall noticed Gayle and smiled.
“That one is a special one, you know. It may not look like it, but that one is the sweetest one of them all.” The man said in a gentle voice, “You can have it for two coins if you’d like.”
Gayle nodded and put the two coins on the counter as the man grabbed the candy. After the transaction was complete, Gayle grabbed his piece of candy and popped it into his mouth. As soon as the candy hit his tongue, it seemed to explode with sweetness.
Suddenly a loud bang rang out above the town. Brilliant colors lit up the night sky. Bursts of turquoise blue and ruby red made various flowers before they disappeared into the darkened sky. It was the most amazing scene Gayle had ever seen in his short life.
It was at the peak of the festival when a tall man in funny looking clothes walked across a large platform in the middle of town. Gayle watched him eagerly as he called everyone’s attention to the platform.
“We have reached the height of the Spring Festival!” the man announced, “Now is the time for one last event of tonight’s festivities. Introducing, Ortman’s traveling minstrels.”
Acrobats, strongmen, music players and all sorts of minstrels started coming up to the platform in flashy costumes. Gayle was awestruck by the performances as they took place one by one on the platform. The man who was on stage first came to the front again when the last performance finished.
“I have one last person to introduce you all to,” he announced as a few of the other performers placed a throne-like chair in the center of the platform. A strong man picked Gayle up and carried him on his shoulder up to the stage. The performers put a red cap on Gayle and set him in the chair on the platform. “Our king …” the man said with a brilliant smile as he placed a small silver crown on Gayle’s head. His face lit up as he looked out at the crowd that began to clap. “ … the spring fool!” the man finished as he dropped a creamed pie on Gayle’s head. His heart sank as the crowd’s thunderous clapping turned into roaring laughter.
As tears began to fill Gayle’s eyes, he felt a strange power welling inside him. The strange power burst out around Gayle and sent the man behind the chair flying through the air into a stonewall that was behind the platform. The crowd came to an eerie silence. A performer hesitantly walked over to the man, where he still laid motionless.
“He’s dead,” she whispered as her voice trembled, “That boy killed him!”
Shocked screams and shouts rang out among the crowd. The men in the crowd started to climb the platform, rage in their eyes. “Get him! He’s a sorcerer, kill him!”
Their furious shouts only proved to terrify Gayle all the more, before warm arms picked him up.
“Calm down, Gayle,” a gentle voice cooed, “It’s alright now, we’re here.”
Gayle’s body felt heavy as he felt the strange power seal itself back into its secret place deep within him. Another voice chimed in, “We’re here now, just relax.”
Through Gayle’s weakening cries, he mumbled, “Mommy, Daddy…” before he could say anything else, Gayle slipped into a deep sleep.

Gayle shook his head, trying to stop reliving ancient history. It happened in the past a long time ago and he had every intention of leaving it there.
Gayle let a small smile come to his face when he opened the door of his small mountain cabin. The aroma of the old oak wood filled him with warmth as a relaxing sensation overtook him. The floor creaked under his feet as he walked in and closed the door behind him. Gayle went to the kitchen and set his pack down on the counter. He replenished the almost bare shelves in the pantry before he went back to the door and took off his shoes. He hung his scarf and empty pack on the hand-carved coat rack before he grabbed a book and settled down into a wing armchair that was worn from the years of use. His books, both old and new, lined the shelves that covered the walls from top to bottom. This cabin was in desperate need of new wood, but Gayle loved it all the same. Here was the only place he felt safe, he felt like no one could hurt him again.
Gayle read until the sun dipped behind the lower peaks of the mountain. Deprived of the natural light, he made his way back to the kitchen and set water on to boil for his favorite honey tea. Three handprints on a wall in the cabin caught his eye. He walked over to the wall and sat down on the floor near the prints. He ran his hand across the handprints as nostalgia washed over him as he remembered how they got there.

“Gayle, what did you do?” Mother had scolded when she saw the small handprint on the side of the wall.
“I’m sorry, Mommy,” Gayle apologized as tears started to fill his eyes.
“I see an incomplete masterpiece darling,” Father inspected as he looked at the handprint as if it were a piece of art. “I know what it’s missing.”
Father stuck his hand in some paint and put his handprint right next to Gayle’s hand. Mother sighed, knowing she couldn’t scold the both of them. She took the paint and did the same.
“There we go.” his father exclaimed, “Now, it’s perfect!”
Gayle smiled from ear to ear as he looked between his parents and the handprints.
“It is perfect. I love you, Mommy, Daddy.” Gayle shouted as he launched himself into his parents’ loving arms.

His parents had truly loved him despite all the trouble he caused for them. Gayle felt a hot tear run down his cheek, staining it with its salty streak. He didn’t bother to wipe it away, instead, he just let more fall as he remembered that he was completely and utterly alone. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered before he stood up to get the whistling teapot.
The sweet aroma of honey tea provided no comfort as Gayle retreated to his room that right next to the room he kept locked. He paused for a moment at the door, remembering the little child who used to run into that room just to be with his parents when he was scared to be alone at night.
That night, Gayle struggled to find sleep. The guilt that weighed heavily on his heart and mind was too much. Crawling out of his low bed, Gayle went out of his room, crossed the creaking floor over to the door and pulled on his shoes. When he was outside, the night felt cold with the mountain wind blowing through the dense forest that kept Gayle trapped in his isolation. The cold didn’t affect him tonight; he felt numb as if all his senses had escaped him into the chilling winds.
Roxbury glowed like dying embers at the base of the mountain. Gayle stared down at the small town wishing the mountain winds would blow out the tiny embers and make it as if they had never existed; make it as if they had never burned him.