The Originals - Symposium From Topic 1

I so love you!

This is just the sort of review I hunger for but rarely get. The sort where you talk to me about how my characters made you feel and you tell me the bits that you didn't like with good explanations of why and with possible suggestions. This is how a review should be! It's how I try to review and it is so wonderful when one comes back.

When I wrote this story, it was just for the contest but I have since written more. I've not written anything pre-paralysation though things are floating round in my head. I like that you'd like to read more! It's very validating (sorry, that's a silly word but I can't think of another!). When I get it typed up (pretty much Lachlan having the tantrum this time round after a misunderstanding by Darien) I'll let you know; your thoughts would be very much appreciated as to how far the story could go.

Now, in answer to a couple of your points. Yep, chose 'mom' on purpose but actually the country is vague as anything so I could easily set it here at home (though I have very few things set here!). 'Seeing' Lachlan and Darien; I'm chronic at not describing my characters, worse when I've a first person narrator (80% of my writing). Being a visual reader myself I get what you're saying and will work bits and pieces in (when I figure out what they look like ). The incomplete sentences are actually not Lachlan's voice and not a 'mistake' ; it's how I often write but I take your point there too. Too much is too much! And I am extra good at telling! I've been pushing myself to show rather than tell and to add in descriptive words but it's a slow process. The suggestions you've given are great and I'll work them in. And, finally, you'll find that I never put a capital at the beginning of dialogue if that dialogue is part of an existing sentence. I have been told off many times about it but I just can't make myself put in a capital. One day I'll get over that.

Thank you SO much!
Os