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Rated: E · Message Forum · Writing · #2016382
Come on in to discuss the mechanics of writing
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Nov 16, 2014 at 7:46pm
#2761545
Edited: November 17, 2014 at 7:56am
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You
by KMH Author IconMail Icon
I stand by my claim about the italics. If the statement is not HER thought, then it is a regular quote and should be treated as such (it doesn't need to be in italics). To readers, that should be enough to differentiate between your character's thoughts and the quote she is remembering, especially with the introduction you've given it.

Now, about that colon...

While there is nothing wrong with using a colon, of course, typically they are seen as being quite formal, and are often avoided in fiction writing. Colons are used to introduce lists, or to give information that is meant to amplify what precedes it. As it says in the Chicago, "The colon should generally convey the sense of 'as follows'." I would recast this sentence if I were you.

My late father's voice echoed in my head, "Mercy only confuses the student," though I'd no intention of living down to Father's example.

Oh, and we need an antecedent for "his" in the first and last sentence of your paragraph. Make sure, if you are going to use pronouns, that you also provide clear antecedents for them. (Incase you're not sure, an antecedent is the person or object or whatever to whom/which the pronoun refers.)

Another option is to make "need" in your last sentence past tense, which would eliminate the pesky italics problem altogether. This, if you wish, is a way for the thought to become part of the narrative---all it took was the addition of two letters. This is up to you, of course, but it is a way to simplify things.





Come check out my writing website here: http://katmhawthorne.com, or my editing website here: http://www.movetothewrite.com
MESSAGE THREAD
Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-02-14 5:18pm
by KMH Author IconMail Icon
Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-11-14 2:27am
by L. Stephen O'Neill Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-11-14 8:15am
by KMH Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-11-14 5:19pm
by L. Stephen O'Neill Author IconMail Icon
Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-12-14 2:02pm
by Jimbo Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-12-14 2:49pm
by A E Willcox Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-12-14 3:00pm
by Jimbo Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-12-14 3:47pm
by KMH Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-12-14 3:50pm
by Jimbo Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-16-14 11:57am
by Joto-Kai Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-16-14 3:24pm
by KMH Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-16-14 6:39pm
by Joto-Kai Author IconMail Icon
*Star* Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-16-14 7:46pm
by KMH Author IconMail Icon
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Punctuation, Dialogue, and You · 11-18-14 6:21pm
by Joto-Kai Author IconMail Icon

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