Mechanics Forum

Hi Joto-Kai.

You don't need to treat this quote in any special way. The reasons are: A) quotes are often remembrances of what someone else has said; why quote someone who is standing right there saying a thing, unless it's your character's personality quirk to repeat everything everyone else has just said, and B) you've plainly stated that this is a voice the character is hearing inside his head, so the use of italics is overkill.

Also, while we're at it:

1) You don't need that comma after the word "wrist," because it's a simple sentence that was made of an independent clause and an adjoining phrase and does not require a comma.

2) There is no need to capitalize "father" since you are not using it as a proper noun.

3) You've started your last sentence with a conjunction (but), which is making me squirm because doing so often leads to sentence fragments. I would suggest hacking it.

4) I don't understand what "live down to his example" means (which is why I'm not entirely sure if you actually HAVE written a sentence fragment). Sorry if I'm being thick, I just don't get it.

5) The semicolon was a good call at the end (or it will be, once that conjunction is gone) because you have used it to attach two independent clauses.

Hope this helps.

**EDIT** Wait, something just occurred to me ... Was that quote meant to come in the middle of a long sentence? The way it's punctuated now, you have three sentences there: 1) I could hear my late father's irritated voice, 2) the quote, and 3) but I didn't want to live down to his example. Did you want that dialogue to be a break in a long sentence? If so, It should be like this: "I could hear my late father's irritated voice in the back of my mind, saying "blardy blary blar," but I didn't want to live down to..." If this is how you wanted it, the comma at the end of the quote is crucial, and I would add "saying" to introduce the quote.




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