Noticing Newbies

The campfire is lit on a clear, cool night
It's my turn for the tale, I sit in sweat from the fright
My story is alive in my mind and my heart
My body betrays me on every attempt for a start

I feel so exposed, so afraid to share
Will they laugh and throw rocks?
I shrink back, I don't dare

I gather my strength and my stomach protests
Will words flow forth or my lunch from the depths?
Eyes on me, ears sharply attuned
I hope my mind doesn't leave my mouth marooned

Here I go, breathe deep, let it flow
I vanish into my story as it churns
Here I go!

I have an epic tale to tell. It sits in my mind like a completed movie from beginning to end, but I have two problems, well three.

1) Procrastination: I have five boys, and a wife, but I'm not sure who demands more of my attention. When I DO have time to write, I usually just take that time to lay down and sleep and I usually put off my writing because of problem #2

2) Fear: I am afraid...no simpler way to put it. I have zero writing training, but I have read literally thousands of books. I have been a heavy reader since I was eleven (I'm 40 now). I try to mimic the writing style of the writers I admire, but I know somewhere along the way, I get so wrapped up in my story, that anything that resembles a style might fly out the window like a pig that cant fly, but I push on and write my story.

3) Trust: I do not want to be taken advantage of, ripped off, cheated. I have no mentors, I have no idea where to even start as far as copy writing and finding a publisher goes. Yes, I understand the whole, "Keep submitting and submitting"...but being a disabled vet who suffers PTSD and depression...and agoraphobia, problem's #1 and #2, combined with #3 is, well, I think you can get the point now.

I put in one chapter of my book. This chapter takes place roughly 20% of the way into the book. I submitted it for a review and began pacing four days ago, but the person did not do a review. At least I got my points back! SO I have submitted it again for another review, hopefully this one will work out with lots of tips and pointers.

I have been working on this book since 2003. I have done lots of research on some of the material, but mostly, I'm letting my imagination fly like a big ole duck with hot buckshot on his tail. I have gone many months or even a year without putting work into the book, but when I do, there is a lot. Only recently I have been feeling a strong push inside of me to get this done...to get the writing complete and push for publication.

So far I like this site. I see how people are supportive and friendly. I have posted in this forum a couple of times, but I have finally gotten the guts to lean into the campfire and share a part of my story. I want to see where it goes, how people feel about this one chapter. I am in a new arena and I feel like I just got off the boat. It feels good to let go and share.

Hopefully this can lead me to speak with someone as far as learning what needs to be done to get in touch with a trustworthy, helpful publisher who is willing to take on a "nobody" in the world of writing, and help teach and guide me up the learning ladder of this writing/publishing industry.

For anyone who is even more new to this than I am, well, I'm a great listener and I'm willing to share anything I learn on this voyage to the campfire.