Dear Amy

Dear Couger,

My humblest apologies for neglecting your answer for so long! I have no excuse.

In situations like this, it seems to me that people like your friend still derive something that they're desperately needing from the contact. It can be difficult to let go if you're remembering the good times and not the bad, and likewise for whatever reason there are people who feel that they deserve to be treated poorly. Remaining in contact with your friend's ex fulfills some sort of need for him, whether he will admit that to you or not.

As for feeling sorry for her - that may be true, or it may be an excuse. He may not even know the truth himself. Since he doesn't accept her calls when you are present, that leads me to believe he somehow knows it is wrong.

My much belated advice to you is to be a friend without pushing. Hopefully there will come a time when he will be ready to move on, but until that time pressing him might just lead him to be less willing to share his thoughts with you. And he DOES need a friend who cares, without ulterior motives.

Best of luck to your friend!
Amy